Right on Target

First of all, I’m sorry for the pun. That was just … there are no excuses. Anyway I often find myself at Target. That place is a sinkhole, whether it’s shoes, housewares, storage bins and other random things. I’ve actually found some of my favorite dresses at Target. So the other day, I decided to take a look around. First, we’ll start with my favorite.

This is a nice, bohemian dress. It would be perfect with a pair of boots and a scarf. Ladies, do you have a good pair of boots? There are many good options out there and if you search, you can find a good deal. It’s worth it to continue wearing your favorite dresses through the cold weather.

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Coffee with Faith: local entrepreneur and comedian

For our Q&A this week, we chatted with Faith. I met Faith four years ago when working at a nonprofit. She was working as a preschool teacher in our daycare center. Four years later she runs two small businesses, and performs stand up comedy. It was so neat to chat with her about these life changes and just her life in general. Her two businesses are CincyClean and Cincy Spray Tan. You can also learn more about her comedy by visting her Facebook fan page.
DSC_0045Faith Mueller
Age: 28
Location: Cincinnati

Describe to me where you are in life right now?

I just finished up the first year of doing stand up comedy and running my own business. So a year ago I was just getting my feet wet and I was kind of in this unknown place. But now I feel like I really know what I’m doing with my company. I’m still learning all the time, but I feel more confident. And then stand up comedy, well people do stand up comedy for years and years before they’re actually noticed or good at it, but I’m feeling more confident in that as well.

What was that like a year ago? How did it feel to be in that place of like “I don’t know what’s going on!”?

It actually felt really exciting and good because up until that point, my life was a little bit more predictable. It felt good to have challenges and to fail a little bit, and just become a stronger person because of it.

So before you were a teacher and then you decided to start your own business. What made you want to do that?

Starting a business was something I had always thought about and my husband always said, “you would be really good at running your own business. You should run your own business.” It was always in the back of my mind, but I never knew exactly what that would look like or what business specifically there would be a need for in the market. I think I wanted to start with not something that’s new but something that could be done in a new way, which is using technology to make a business better.

Why specifically cleaning? That’s obviously something that’s been around forever.

I think I wanted to start with something that’s more service-oriented and product-oriented. I think I’ve always known a lot of people who have cleaned … people in my family, friends of mine, so I knew what that entailed and I knew there were a lot of cleaners looking for work. So I connect very quality cleaning to clients and those who need it.

I know part of it is that you want organic and environmentally-friendly products. Is that still a part of it?

That is really important to us, and that’s important to us because that’s important to people right now. There’s been a big shift lately. It used to be that just a certain group of people were worried about what chemicals they were using in their home and putting into their body, but now everyone is pretty aware. We provide environmentally-friendly cleaning for no extra cost. Some people do like you to use a lot of bleach in their home or those types of products, but we leave that up to the client.

Stand up comedy is the other one. What made you want to do that?

I’ve always loved comedy. I come from a big family and I come from a family who loves to joke, loves to watch comedy and loves to argue over who’s the funniest. So it was just a way I’ve always interacted with people who I’m close to. I became obsessed with watching stand up comedy and then I started writing my own jokes. I just wanted to try it.

So where was your first time performing stand up?

I went to the Thompson House in Newport. They have open mic comedy every Monday. It is not a friendly room but it is a fantastic place to do comedy. You get real feedback.

DSC_0056So what were you feeling in that first experience getting up on stage?

I felt nervous but I knew if I didn’t like it or didn’t feel good about it, I could choose to never do it again. I didn’t bring any friends or family with me. I went by myself. I didn’t want to be patronized. I wanted to see if it was something I could be good at. Something that I would enjoy.

Yeah so what was the reaction?

People’s reactions were really positive and encouraging. I was surprised by that. Jay Armstrong is the comic who runs that open mic and he came up to me when I finished and said “that was really your first time? You did pretty good!” That just made me feel good. It was just a small interaction, but it stuck with me. People did laugh, but I wasn’t amazing. I did mess up my jokes and I did stutter, but I still felt good.

So that gave you enough umph for you to go “I’m going to keep doing this!”?

Yes. It was enough encouragement for me to keep going. If you try something and you’re so good at it, where do you go from there? The point of trying new things is to build skills and experience.

What’s this past year been like? You do comedy all the time now!

Yeah I do it a couple times a week. I’ve been doing bar shows. I’ve gotten to do Funny Bone and Go Bananas. I was a finalist in the Funniest Person in Cincinnati. That was really exciting. I felt really good about that.

That’s very cool! What are you hoping to do with comedy?

I’d really like to see if I’m at the point where I could put clips online and maybe even get some work.

Yeah get people to pay you?

Possibly. That’s hopeful. And that might not happen right away, but it’s definitely a goal of mine.


So you may get this question a lot, but what’s it like being a female in the comedy world?

I think people almost need you to be better. It’s a little bit more pressure. I think it makes you stand out, so people are more likely to listen to what you have to say in the first place when you’re on stage. But you have about 30 seconds before they like you or decide they’re going to write you off. Women are pretty judgemental of each other and men kind of have it in their mind that women aren’t funny. I don’t think it’s my responsibility to prove that all women are funny or women are funny, it’s really just on me to prove that I’m funny.

That’s all so interesting. I have heard it brought up that women are jealous of each other and maybe that’s why women don’t always get the best reception. Why do you think that is?

I honestly think that’s the way we’ve evolved to be. I know it’s sad and I think it’s something you can be aware of and make better, but I think women have evolved to compete with each other. It might be something from the way that were bred (laughs) or protecting your children or getting resources for your children. I don’t know. I think women have evolved to compete with one another and not as much with men. Now women are realizing “oh, we could have been competing with men the entire time!” (laughs)

Yeah so what’s that like? I mean you probably feel like you’re competing with men all the time in comedy.

I don’t feel threatened by men. I just naturally don’t. I’m kind of dominant and a little aggressive. I don’t feel threatened by men, in comedy or in anything else.

That’s good! So what would you describe your comedic style as?

I think I’m still figuring that out a little bit. I think I’m kind of a mid to late 20 something-year-old woman who’s figuring things out and seeing humor in her experiences. I tend to be a little dry and a little dark (laughs).

Do you think people are expecting you to be dry and dark?

No. I don’t think they expect me to be funny in the first place, but they don’t expect me to be dark or dirty. I look pretty wholesome.

Well cool! So you have another business too. You also started Cincy Spray Tan just a few months ago?

That’s a new venture with a good friend just like CincyClean was a venture with a good friend. I’ve been getting spray tans for years. I think that tanning isn’t something that you need to do, but if you’re going for that look, it’s so much safer to get a spray tan than go out in the sun or go to a tanning bed. That’s part of why I’m so passionate about it. It’s like wearing make up all over your body. It gives you a little confidence boost. The concept of mobile spray tan I thought was a good business idea because we’re not opening up a brick and mortar. Were going to people’s homes and giving them spray tans. Its good for them because it’s a lot more comfortable to get a spray tan in your own home and it’s good for us because it gives me a flexible schedule where I don’t have to be in a shop all day or pay someone to be in a shop all day. With CincyClean, a majority of our business comes from online traffic. We want Cincy Spray Tan to be the same. People are on their phones and they’re on their computers constantly, so I think that this is the future of business. There are businesses that haven’t really been done that way yet.

Okay well I guess we can go here next. What was your childhood like?

That’s a fun question!

I know. Let’s just jump on over there!

I had a really good childhood. I come from a big family. I’m the middle child of five children. My mom stayed home and homeschooled with us. I homeschooled until high school. So my childhood was different. People have a lot of stereotypes about homeschooling. I think for my parents, homeschooling was about letting your children have some freedom to be themselves and about the majority of your love and influence coming from your family. My parents had a lot to give us. I’m close to my siblings still. I talk to most of them every day. I’m close to my parents as well. I had a very good childhood. We didn’t have a lot of money but my parents gave me so much. They instilled me with so much principle and values, and so much love.

So you have four siblings?

Yeah I’m one of five and I’m in the middle. I have middle child syndrome and I think that’s where doing stand up comedy really comes from. I’ve always been interested in theatre and music, and I did more of that when I was younger. Now it’s stand up comedy.

Yeah and wasn’t your dad like a pastor too?

Both of my parents are ordained ministers.

What was that like growing up?

It’s not always what people think. People think of evangelical Christians being strict or putting down a lot of rules. We had a lot of rules, but I think that who you are as a person isn’t really defined by your religion or by the church you choose to go to. If your values are to love other people, that’s going to show no matter what you believe.

Yeah because I remember you saying that you grew up in a religious household but you’re not so much now.

I’m not religious. I’m not religious. I wouldn’t consider myself an atheist, probably more agnostic or even pagan (laughs).

But you’re still close to your parents. How do they feel about that?

I think that in our society, there’s this idea that if you don’t agree with someone, you hate them or you don’t like them, and that’s just simply not true. You can completely disagree with someone and love them for who they are and accept them.

So they just accept you for who you are?

They would prefer I be more like them just like someday I’ll prefer for my children to be just like me, but they are still able to listen to me and accept what I think with kindness. They’ll still talk to be about what they believe and what’s important to them and they should be able to do that and I should be able to do that too because we’re adults. Your relationship with your parents and siblings shifts when you get older and it should.

So it’s still a very good relationship?

It is and I’m not against what they believe. I think that biblical principles are things you can apply to your life and your values without being a born-again Christian.

So what was it like going to high school after being homeschooled?

I’ve always been naturally pretty social. I was weird, but I think I would have been weird even if I had gone to elementary school (laughs).


What high school was it?

I went to a baptist school that doesn’t even exist anymore. Central Baptist Academy. The good thing about them sending me there after being homeschooled was that compared to a baptist high school, my parents would seem really relaxed and free-spirited (laughs). I went to a very strict high school.

How was it strict?

Oh my gosh. We had a very strict dress code. We actually had uniforms. Girls had to wear skirts to their knees. We had to pray before every class, we went to chapel every Thursday. It was very strict. I did get in trouble a little bit my first year there. It was an adjustment period.

What sorts of things did you get in trouble for?

I got in trouble for swearing. Got a Saturday school. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. I got in trouble for talking in class, I got in trouble for not asking to do things. I just wasn’t used to it and that’s okay. The good thing about my parents is they didn’t take my side over the teacher’s side or my principals side, even though the school was strict. They said “we’ve chosen to send you here so we have to follow the rules now. Do what you’re supposed to do.” I think that’s a really valuable lesson.

What’s being a woman mean to you?

I think that being a woman means to me is you have to be your own person. At the end of the day, you’re only going to look yourself in the mirror. It’s just going to be you and yourself. Our society tries to tell women what they should be like, and that’s on both sides of the spectrum. What should a woman be like? You have to be yourself and you have to love yourself, and be your own biggest advocate. That’s important.

What are you most passionate about?

I’d say my relationships with other people and making sure they know that I care about them.

Who are your most important relationships right now?

My husband is my most important relationship. We’ve been together since I was a teenager. We have a very special relationship. He’s my biggest supporter. When you really love someone, you just want them to be happy. He just supports me in everything that I do and I try to do the same for him.

How did you know you wanted to spend your life with him?

I’ve never respected anyone my age as much as I respect him. I know that sounds weird and I think he’s said the same thing. We genuinely enjoy being together, not because we’re the same but because we respect each other. There’s nothing boring about him to me. He’s interesting and he’s fun.

What has had the greatest impact on you?

I’d say my parents had the greatest impact. They just loved their children unconditionally and love other people. My mom homeschooled us, always volunteered in the church and worked with people with special needs. She’s just a giver. I think I’ve always admired that and it stuck with me.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I remember when I was 12 and I was at a pool party. I was changing in my friend’s room and I didn’t lock the door. A boy I liked walked in on me. It was embarrassing but it also just felt so vulnerable. And when you’re 12 and 13, your embarrassing moment never just stops right there. When you’re an adult and something embarrassing happens, people are usually pretty kind and just let it stop. But I mean it was just weeks of people asking him what I looked like naked (laughs).

What do you think our world needs more of?

I think that people need to realize that their life and their feelings are their own responsibility. It’s important to just be responsible for yourself. To be there for those who need it. I generally have this idea that everything that happens to me is my fault. It’s not good, but that’s how I feel.

How do you feel when you put on a dress?

I love wearing dresses. I feel pretty, I feel womanly. But it also just feels right to put on a dress. It feels good.

Anything else you wanna add?

No I appreciate you interviewing me. When you said “do you want to wear dresses and talk about yourself?” I said “well of course I do!”

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My Closet: Kayleigh, a southern transplant

IMG_1595This week for My Closet, we travel to Charleston, South Carolina and take a peek in the closet of my best friend Kayleigh. Kayleigh is a 26-year-old middle school Spanish teacher who moved down to Charleston several years ago. She is also in a four year graduate program for Speech Pathology. This girl stays busy for sure. However like any classic extrovert, she loves getting together with friends at the beach or for drinks at the bar. Any good extrovert needs a closet of fun dresses. So let’s dive in and take a look!

FullSizeRender (2)First, every girl needs a “little black dress.” This is Kayleigh’s. Her grandma used to own a bridal dress shop. That must have been fun growing up! From time to time, Kayleigh would model dresses for her shop. This was taken at her friend’s wedding. She likes to pair it with a good pair of gold shoes. Pictured next to her is her boyfriend Brian. He also took many of these photos (thanks Brian!)

IMG_1604Next we will look at this wonderful orange dress. When noting Kayleigh’s style, I think of how a Southern beach town influences it. For an evening out, Kayleigh often opts for a comfortable pair of sandals over high heels and a sun dress over something you’d wear to the “club.” The great thing about a sundress and sandals are that they work for so many things … a day at the beach, a coffee date, shopping, a BBQ, etc. Also that adorable little dog is named Dunie. He’s a Carolina Dingo that she adopted several years back.

IMG_1584This next dress is the one she says she wears the least. It’s a nice white and green sun dress. One year we went to the derby and she wore it. I suppose it’s hard to wear white all the time as supposedly, according to convention, you only have a few months in the summer to wear the color. Gotta love that back! I love dresses with unique features. I can also see where a backless dress would be harder to find wears and uses for.

IMG_3413Our dresses are more than just pieces of fabric sewn into cute looks. Our dresses have memories attached to them. When we put them on, stories can come rushing back. This is the dress (pictured above … chick in the middle) with the best story. This photo was taken almost four years ago at my Christmas party. She had just broken up with a truly awful guy, and was just having a good time. What girl wouldn’t want to celebrate her newfound freedom? After the party died down, we headed to some bars. At the first spot, we recognized a guy we went to high school with. While Kayleigh had already ordered a beer, she needed an excuse to go to the bar and talk to him. I did my best friend duty of drinking her beer so she could order a new one. They struck up a conversation. We ran into him at the next bar, they danced and have been hanging out ever since. They’ve now been dating for three years.

IMG_1614We love accessories
at A World of Dresses. I asked Kayleigh to share her favorite accessories with me. She said her trick is to buy a few pieces she can get a lot of wears out of. She said that her best style advice is to just be yourself more than anything. In the land of the south, Lily Pulitzer and Vineyard Vines are the big brands. On a teacher’s salary, she has found her ways to afford Lily.

IMG_1615

Well that’s a wrap. Do you follow us on Instagram or Facebook? If not, you should. I’ll be posting more photos from Kayleigh’s closet throughout the week. Thanks Kayleigh for letting us peek in your closet!

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The first day: dressing for success

20150922_192649Today was a very exciting day. I began a new job at a non-profit in Cincinnati. If you follow me on Instagram (and you totally should! It’s my favorite), you knew a tad about my first day of work outfit. I’ve posted several photos here. I was accidentally patriotic with a navy and white polkadotted dress. The neckline is red, so I paired my favorite red heels with the ensemble.

As I drove to work, I reflected on the fact that I have opted against wearing this dress twice in the past several weeks. I had found this on sale too, so you’d think I’d be jumping at every chance I could to wear it. The first time I rejected it, I was getting ready for a Friday night out and felt that this dress was maybe too 1950’s housewife for an evening of dancing. The second time was even more recent: the interview for this job I now have. The polkadots were just too bold. The shoes were too red. When in doubt, I stick to whats safe. The color of the dress I interviewed in was gray.

I then thought back to the Spring when I had a job interview for a position I really, really wanted. It was sort of a dream job, so I wanted every little bit to be perfect. I met a good friend for drinks on a Tuesday a few weeks before the interview.  My nerves were looming and ever present. I was thinking of every interview question imaginable so that I’d be prepared. At some point our conversation switched from questions to my attire. One thing was clear … a bright red blazer was a bad idea.

When we left, she told me to text her pictures of what I wanted to wear. Either later that eveing or the next day, she helped me decide upon a professional outfit with little pops of color. A bright red blazer is exactly as it sounds … bright, red and potentially off-putting for an interview. I then thought back to a second round interview I had a year and a half prior. It was down to myself and one other candidate for a development position. The other candidate got it. I wore the red blazer. While that was not the deciding factor, subtle things can matter more than we think.

So as I thought through this stream of consciousness on my way to work, I came away with several take aways:

  1.  When in doubt, softer colors are always better.
  2. Your friends can be such a resource. When in doubt, ask your trusted allies.
  3. Our clothing says more than we think. Great forethought is always necessary for things that matter.
  4. It does not end at the interview. When you do interview, take a look around the office and note the dress code. That’s what I did. I noticed the attire was more professional. The women wore heels, dresses and skirts. It’s always better to be over dressed at first than under dressed.

What office dress tips do you have?

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Washing Park with Jill

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Last Sunday morning, I met up with an old coworker who quite possibly loves dresses as much as I do. I’m not sure if I have ever seen her wear anything else. Jill and I used to work together at Dater Montessori. Currently she is in her second year teaching in a first, second and third grade classroom. We met in Washington Park and talked about everything from meeting her husband in astronomy class to her travels to Israel to her Lebanese heritage. It was so good to catch up.

Name: Jill Anspach
Age: 27
Location: Cincinnati

So you are a Montessori elementary school teacher. Why did you choose your profession?

I really wasn’t planning on being a Montessori teacher. I was going to be an English professor, and then I found out that there really weren’t any jobs in that. So then I was going to be a high school English teacher, but I did my student teaching at an all boys Catholic high school and hated it. I somehow then took a Montessori class and just stuck with it.

What drew you to Montessori specifically?

I took a random class. I had no idea what Montessori was about at all. I just heard that it was something that Xavier did that the other universities didn’t, so I just took a class on Montessori philosopy. I just really liked it and I kept taking classes.

What specifically about Montessori do you like the best?

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I like that it makes children want to be more independent. It forces them to think for themselves and move around more, and not just do what an adult tells them to do.

What’s the best part of your job? What do you enjoy most?

I think interacting with the kids. It’s like we get to go on a different adventure every day together and learn new things. Just seeing them learn and learning with them is fun.

What do you find is most important to instill in your students?

I want them to be able to think for themselves, whether it’s in a social situation where they make a choice thats best for them and not just because they’re under peer pressure or in a classroom where they have to learn to work through a difficult problem. I want them to be able to think and not just do what other people tell them to do.

What does being a woman mean to you?

It’s kind of a hard question. I don’t think I necessarily diferentiate women and men in that they have to have certain roles. I think part of being a woman is acknowledging that there are things that men don’t have to go through that we do in society and life, and acknowledging that things will be tougher. You just have to work through it and acknowledge that.

How do you feel when you put on a dress?

So for school, I like dresses that have fun prints or patterns that have to do with what I’m teaching so I feel like Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. Then I have my party dresses that I just feel pretty in. So it depends on the dress. I have my power dresses where I feel like I could do anything and then I have my I’m just pretty dresses, and then I have my “look, I’m so smart” dresses.

What are you most passionate about?

I’m probably most passionate about teaching and about learning in general, whether it’s teaching kids how to learn or just learning new things myself. I like to travel and just experience new things.

Where have you traveled recently?

We just got back from Israel this summer and we were in Paris over the winter.

How was Israel?

Israel was wonderful. It’s probably my favorite place that I’ve visited.

What sparked your interest in Israel?

Neither of us had been to the Middle East. My family is originally from Lebanon, but Lebanon really is not a safe country to visit right now. So this was a nice option.

So yeah, your family is from Lebanon?! Are you fully Lebanese?

No. My dad’s dad is from Lebanon, and then I’m a mut. So I’m German, Hungarian, Cherokee, Irish and lebanese.

Are you in touch with any of your ethnicities?

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When my grandpa was alive, he was very into his Lebanese roots. So there are things, like the food that I eat. I’ll try to make Middle Eastern food like he would because it brings me closer to thinking about my grandfather and my heritage. And then it was really exciting just to be in the Middle East and feel like oh, these people look like me.

Was Israel everything you thought it was? What things surprised you?

It surprised me how cosmopolitan Tel Aviv was because we went to Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. Jerusalem was very religious and you had to cover up a lot in Jerusalem. Because I’m married, you cover your hair and then just like wearing sweaters when it was 90 degrees outside because youre not supposed to show your arms and things like that. But then in Tel Aviv, it’s like a Mediterranean resort and beachy type place. It was completely different.

So then do you incorporate your travels into your classroom?

I do. We do postcards where I write them post cards from where I’ve been and then we talk about the places like that. And then this year I’m getting a map, like a planosphere map, and we’ll mark off all the places we’ve gotten post cards from and discuss how they’re different and similar.

What impact do you want to make on the world?

The impact that I make in the world I’d like to create through making strong, independent people through the students that I teach. I feel like my impact will be in helping mold them into who they will be when they’re older and creating a group of kids who care about the world around them and the people in it.

Yeah, you get them for three years, which is crazy. Is that something that drew you to Montessori as well, that you got each kid for three years as opposed to one?

I really like it because I know the kids. This year is my second year and coming back, I already knew my second and third graders. I knew what their strengths and weaknesses are, and how to best support them. And by the end of a three year cycle, like when they go through first, second and third and they leave me, like I know these kids. They’ve been with me for three years. I feel like its a better bond that helps them learn better because they trust me and I trust them.

What’s your ideal day like?

I try to go on a run every morning with my dogs. So I’d wake up, go on a run, come home, take a shower, have coffee, probably go to yoga and then have brunch somewhere. Probably some place in OTR with my husband. Then maybe in the afternoon do some gardening and reading. Just have a relaxing day because I feel like so many of my days are very go go go where I’m going from one place to another to another, never having time to stop.

How many hours a week would you say you spend on your teaching job, both in the classroom and out of the classroom?

I normally get to school between 7:30-8 and stay until about 5 or 5:30. Then I stop and take an hour to go to yoga. Then when I come home at about 7 or 7:30 I’m doing school work until about 10 when I go to bed, so however long that is (laughs).

Wow. That is crazy. Do you sometimes wish that you could just get it all done by 5 and then you could just come home?

That would be nice but I can’t logistically see how I could do that. Like I just see this as how my job is and I know some teachers can do it, but I haven’t figured it out yet.

Who are the most important relationships in your life?

My husband probably would be the main one. He has helped me through my first year of teaching, which is tough being a first year teacher. He also supports me by helping out with things like making dinner when I get home late or doing laundry or just being there to listen to me when I’ve had a rough day. Then probably also the people I work with at school have always been really helpful to me through listening and helping me plan for things.

How long have you been married?

Four years. It’ll be five years in May.

Congratulations! So how did you meet?

We met at UC where I went to undergrad. We met in an astronomy class.

That’s cool. Were you like paired up for a project together?

We had astronomy lab together and then we had an astronomy class right after it. We were astronomy lab partners.

How did you guys go from being lab partners to something more?

We were just friends and then we weren’t just friends anymore. We were something more than that. I can’t think of a time when we were like “wanna be my boyfriend?”

But did you just always kind of like him?

We had a poli sci class before we took astronomy together, and I didn’t like him because he was very much a know it all. But him being a know it all was kind of helpful in our astronomy class and he wasn’t such a know it all either. I guess he kind of grew on me.

What has been your biggest life lesson?

If you don’t do something right, you can always change it. Just not to give up. I thought I was going to be a professor and that didn’t work out and then a high school teacher didn’t work out, so I finally ended up in Montessori.

What has had the greatest impact on you?

Probably just my family and my husband. They were always there for me. Going through college and figuring out what I wanted to do, I was never worried because I always knew I had a support system.

What was your proudest moment?

Getting through my first year of teaching and sticking with something. Just doing it and feeling proud that I made it through.

Did you have any moments where you were just like I don’t know about this?

I think especially at the beginning of my first year, it felt very overwhelming to be a public school teacher because you have so many extra responsibilities that are put on you that they don’t really talk about when you’re doing your teaching program. But I had a bunch of people at school who were very helpful and I never felt abandoned by any of them.

What do you think is the biggest difference between public Montessori and private Montessori?

Public Montessori has a lot more data and testing involved than private Montessori and not just for the kids but for me too. It’s not necessarily bad it’s just a lot more difficult. Also public Montessori takes all kinds of kids where private Montessori takes just a certain part of the population, so I feel like that is a real strength of public Montessori. We get a very diverse group of kids.

What were your childhood dreams?

I wanted to be a famous writer or a veterinarian.

What in our world needs to change the most?

I think how people treat other people and the mindset that we kind of “other” others. When we see people that are different than us, we sometimes are afraid of them or are angry about them, or don’t see them as other people. I feel like most of the problems with violence in our country come from not excepting other people.

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My closet: a look at me


wpid-wp-1442504588782.jpegHappy Thursday! Today is the birth of a new weekly series called “my closet.” Each week, I’m going to take a closer look at one woman’s personal style, with a focus on dresses of course. Our clothing says so much about us each day. It tells the story of who we are and what we are about. Even if we think we don’t care much about style, that too comes across in what we wear. Personal style is all about self expression. Personal style fascinates me.

I figured I might as well go first. Thanks to my good friend Cindy Stuntz for these amazing photos and for putting up with my like 10+ costume changes. Here we go … a closer look at the dresses in my closet.
10626604_10102290626243852_8377483669797098629_nSupposedly every woman should have a little black dress in her closet for formal occasions. I am a fan of this suggestion. I like it so much that sort of on accident, I have four. I just keep seeing ones I like! So I’ve included my favorite of the four in this post. This one here I bought at a cute little store called Apricot Lane. I was throwing a bachelorette party for a friend and the theme was “little black dress.” I just love the waistline and the detailing around the neckline. Cindy suggested I should act like Madonna here. I thought “why not?”

12019962_10102286652103062_8759504602655842590_nMoving on we come to one of my most worn dresses. This has a sweater material to it, so I wear it the most during cold weather with yoga pants and a pair of boots. I found it at Francesca’s. I think Francesca’s is one of my favorite places to buy dresses. I’m pictured here doing the “sorority girl” pose. Honestly, I never take photoshoots seriously. Every time I try to do a serious, model face I end up looking constipated. So there’s that. This one is no exception. Also, this is my mom’s classic “mad face

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Old Navy dresses for fall

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The other day, I decided to wander into Old Navy. I had about 20-30 minutes until my lunch date and felt Rookwood Commons calling my name. Now a quick stop in a few shops has ended with several new dresses, but I was good and bought nothing.

I’m always pleasantly surprised at Old Navy. I never expect the clothing to be super remarkable but still essential. I have found some great dresses, sweaters and pants there. Yet I cannot say any of my favorite dresses come from Old Navy. Basically, it always warrants a browse, even if I walk away empty handed.

After a quick browse, I start to sense a grunge chic theme this fall. There’s definitely a vintage feel to the dress patterns. To the right is one example. Most dresses are a spaghetti strap. They have these light denim button downs next to the 20150913_121128dresses. The mannequin is wearing one over her dress, so it be in style, right? After all, the mannequin is always right. Pair that with a cute pair of short boots and some tights, and you have a trendy fall look. I’m a fan. I don’t think cold weather should ever dictate your decision to wear a dress. Thank you Old Navy for agreeing.

20150913_121429I am just in love with all the patterns. Patterns seem to be a big thing at Old Navy this fall in terms of dresses. One of my absolute favorites was a pattern of little blue birds (pictured left). I know you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, but I might have to break that so-called rule for this little number. I just love the pattern!

I’m goin to leave you with one other fun Old Navy dress. If you’re looking for a grungier dress look this fall, look no further than Old Navy (pssssst check out that jean jacket!).

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An evening with Kendra

Each week, I want to talk with a different woman about all things life and dresses. My friend Kendra agreed to be my guinea pig and go first. She’s brave. This past Friday, we met up for a photo shoot in her three favorite dresses and a chat on everything from California dreaming to losing her father at age 12 to horrible people on Tinder to that time she walked into a wall in middle school. My hope is that through these weekly interviews, dresses can tell much larger stories to the complex lives of women in our world.

Name: Kendra Pressley
Age: 23
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

So how would you describe where you are in life right now?

It’s a hot mess (laughs). I mean, it’s a genuine hot mess. I’m about to be done with school and that’s kind of a tough place for anyone to be. I’m looking for a big girl job and I’m trying to figure out how to move to California. It’s just transitional.

Tell me about California. Why California?

It’s very sunny there. In Southern California specifically, it’s very sunny. I mean, I mostly want to move there for work because I do want to act and get into acting, and ultimately get into producing film and television shows. But more so right now, because of the weather. I would adore living close to a beach. I keep hearing that people who move to LA don’t really go to the beach because they’re in the city, but I don’t think that would be true for me. I just kind of am ready to be somewhere not Ohio, so the furthest possible place to stay in the United States is California.

So what draws you to acting and producing?

I just watch a copious amount of films and TV series’. I’ll be really addicted to one. For a while I was really addicted to United States of Tara, which only had three seasons but was like a legit show and it should have had more seasons. I’m really into character development and how to build a character, and how to break one down and how to build it up again. That’s kind of very Grey’s Anatomyish. Like they’ll do something to all of them and one of them will be like completely shattered and then the next season it will be like “okay. I’m okay.” And then the next season they’re completely shattered. It just kind of, I think to me, shows how real life happens. I’m looking to make a more authentic way of having art imitate life.

What does being a woman mean to you?

I don’t know, I mean it’s something I’m still trying to figure out. I mean being a woman has its advantages, obviously, but more often than not I feel like I’m trying to surmount so many different things in terms of work. The whole unequal pay thing is insane to me because a woman will make what 60 cents on the dollar that a man is making, maybe 70 cents now. But then a black woman is still making below that, so I’m still trying to gage like my actual worth against other people in terms of trying to find jobs. The next person will do it for less than I would or if they are white or they are like not a very dark-skinned person of color, they’ll get an advantage and so that’s kind of difficult to me. That’s a struggle for me right now.

So you feel like there’s sort of a double disadvantage in being a woman and then being a black woman?

Yeah. It’s this weird paradox. I’m not even sure. There are black men who are usually conservative Christian types and they will place all the value of a woman on her virginity and her pureness, and how she should be this submissive person. It’s like really extreme. So there’s that on the one hand and then you have white men who are fetishizing you in every way possible. I can’t even tell you how many Tinder inboxes I’ve gotten that literally there’s no hello, there’s no introduction, it’s just like, “hey, down to fuck?” It’s insane and my other friends who have Tinder have never experienced something like that. I had a guy last summer ask me how much. Like in my inbox. It was like horrifying and he was some guy who graduated from Ball State. It was just like, “I could easily find you in your real life. You are a terrible person.” But I’m just like why would you match with someone who you essentially just want to humiliate? I felt so disgusted after that experience, and so I mean, it’s just two different ends of the coin. I don’t really know how to navigate it. I just take it a step at a time, a day at a time. Some days are much better than others.

What are things that you like about being a black woman?

Um, I mean I like looking 12. Like my pictures as a kid and pictures as a teenager; not very much has changed. So I like the advantage of knowing that my face now will likely be my face at 40. I like how insanely curly my hair is and just doing different stuff with natural hair care, because I did go natural almost three years ago. Three winters ago I cut off all my hair … well, I did a bob.

What made you decide to go natural?

Oh it was very cosmetic. My hair started thinning in the front and that runs in my family, so I’m trying to keep my hair as thick and as lush for as long as humanly possible. The real decision was when I could see my scalp and I wasn’t parting my hair. That was a true indicator that I needed to give this shit up. It was like no. So it wasn’t terribly hard for me. I mean my hair just kind of evolved as I changed what I was doing. I would do four relaxers a year, so that’s every three months. Many women go every six weeks. They can’t wait that long. I was lucky and I could. I mean I honestly didn’t need them in the first place, but it just helped me achieve that straight hair look that everybody in high school loved. I don’t know what it is about teenage girls and having pin straight hair, but I mean literally every one of my friends, black, white, Asian, whatever, pin straight was the way to go. It’s one of those other things that I don’t think white people quite get because they’re like, “It’s just hair. Why is everyone making a big deal if you put a chemical in it or not?” For me it wasn’t so much that I hated having curly hair because I was black. I just hated having curly hair that I couldn’t manage.

What are you most passionate about?

I think I’m most passionate about just having a good time. Like I think so many different things in life are so difficult and it’s a pity to waste your time on things that don’t make you feel good. So whether that’s people, places, different things you’re able to do, things that money can’t buy, things that money can buy, I think you should always seek a good foundation in happiness. Like I spend a lot of my weekends drinking with my friends but that’s how we socialize and I appreciate that. So right now that’s kind of like my very go with the flow, easy going type of situation. I’m just really passionate about feeling good about the things that I’m doing. I want whatever I’m doing, whether work-related or personal, to have a meaning.

What impact do you want to make on the world in your life?

I just want to leave it a little better than I found it. One of my biggest passions in the world is LGBTQ youth. I have had several really good friends, best friends, who have been treated terribly by people that claim to love them, or perfect strangers too, for simply being who they are. Here in Cincinnati, it’s a very difficult place to find help. There’s no homeless shelters that really offer a helping hand to LBGTQ youth citizens. Many of them are homeless. I mean the homelessness rate for LGBTQ youth is like double than teens that identify as straight. So I kinda want to have an impact with that. I’ve always wanted to open a nonprofit here, when I’ve made enough money, to pull resources. Housing, job opportunities, safe places for them to go and be, etc. I think cincinnati is up and coming, and I think with all the progressive places that come into Cincy, especially like small businesses and the people who are working for the larger corporations like P&G, need to make an effort at least to say “hey, this is a safe place for you to work.” I think along the lines of that is where I want to place more of my passion.

Who are the most important relationships in your life?

I would say my mom and my two sisters. I mean above anyone else, they’re all that I have in terms of family that I really solidly have in my corner all the time. Even when they’re arguing with each other, they’re it. I think it’s been very difficult to maintain those relationships just because of various issues, but it’s worth it. Then outside of that I have several really good friends and then I have a friend group that does not live in Cincinnati.

What has had the greatest impact on you?

There’s two things. There’s my father’s death, which just kind of completely changed my life. I think that happens to more people than we realize. You go from being a solid, stable middle class family to an unstable lower middle class family. That’s exactly what happened to us. We lost my dad’s income, lost our health insurance. All the things that kept us pretty solid were no longer there. So having to kind of grow up really quickly and try to figure out different ways to make this new life work, I think that definitely had a bigger effect on me than I think I’m willing to admit to.

Starting school here at UC I was a completely different person. I think it’s so heinous that I thought I had it all figured out. I thought it would be fine as an adult. I’m fucking horrified that that was where I was mentally. Coming out basically on the other side, it’s very interesting to see. The feelings and frustrations I have with this school as an institution, it’s not just me. I mean I think college changes everyone, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. I think UC has given me footing in terms of having a good moral compass of what’s right and wrong, and has provided me with a decent education. Aside from that socially, I really didn’t gain much. I didn’t really fit into whatever this is. But i appreciate it.

So you were 12 when your dad passed away?

I was 12.

How did you mom end up dealing with it? She probably took it the hardest.

And still 10 years later takes it hard. I just kind of, I don’t know where this sense of I just need to make sure I was responsible for things kind of kicked in, but it did. I think my dad was grooming me to take his place because I was going grocery shopping with him for as long as I could remember. I learned how to budget food and household needs. He taught me how to fill prescriptions and pay bills. Like I knew where to go to pay our phone bill and our Duke bill, and how to fill up a tank of gas. My mother knew none of these things and she was like a 40 something year old woman.

So what was life like growing up in College Hill?

Its tough to describe College Hill. College Hill seems very much like its own little town. They have a neighborhood council, we have parks and we had a grocery store but it moved. Then we had Family Dollar and everyone went to your local family dollar. Everything closes at 9. No matter where you go, College Hill shuts the hell down at 9. So it was very much like growing up in a small town. Everybody knew everybody. My family was everywhere because most of my dad’s family lived in College Hill. It was very idyllic for most of my life. We had a neighborhood store called Charlie’s where the fire station is now. It was like a little pony keg and they used to sell these 25 cent caramel apple suckers that were like one of the best things on earth. They’re kind of hard to find now. They still produce them. And these little 5 cent bubblegums that had strawberry filling on the inside. I can remember I couldn’t even see over the counter but I could go in and be like “I need a quarter pound of like this much meat and this much cheese.” This older couple that worked the stand every day knew our faces and knew my whole family. It was very comfortable and even after my father died, there was still the comfort of being surrounded by like everyone I knew. I walked to church for I don’t know how many years. I walked everywhere or rode my bike. I had a bike for most of my childhood.

What has been your biggest life lesson?

I think my biggest life lesson is that shit happens and you can’t hold onto it for very long. There’s no point in holding grudges or being angry. I mean I’ve had a lot of shitty things happen as a teenager and as an adult, but i don’t think that I’ve allowed most of those things to have any kind of a gravity as to what I’m doing or how I’m feeling or the choices I’m making. I think you just gotta live and let live. Bad things happen, you figure out a way to deal with them and then you move on. That was just my biggest lesson. To not sweat small stuff or hold grudges.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I was in 7th grade. Unfortunately, when I was in 4th grade, most of the Cincinnati Public schools went to mandatory uniforms. So we had days where you could dress out of uniform and I had these really great jeans. Like my ass looked really solid in these jeans … my 13-year-old ass (laughs). I was walking around the corner and there was this guy I had a crush on. His name was Dorian and he was like the most beautiful guy that I had ever seen up until that point. I was walking around the corner and he and his friend Jonathan, who was equally attractive, were both looking in my direction. I kind of did a half wave and I kept walking, but I didn’t turn the corner completely, so I walked into a wall and passed out. I walked straight into the wall. Like it was not a soft walk into the wall. When I came up it was very embarrassing because the whole lunch room had seen me. They laughed, I mean once they realized I was actually okay.

What were your childhood dreams?

So all through my childhood I wanted to be a Radio City Rockette. I don’t really know why that was. I couldn’t dance and had never taken a dance class. And then I stopped growing in the 6th grade. Like I’m the height now that I was then. There was just no possible way that was going to happen because you have to be at least 5 ft. 7 to get in. So that was a far out idea that I could just go to New York and become a Radio City Rockette.

What do you think our world needs more of?

I think people just need to mind their business. People get very frustrated, whether it’s about gay marriage or the Jews or Muslims. People are just automatically fearful of Muslims because they think they are all just Muslim extremists and terrorists, and that’s just insane. People who think all these really extreme thoughts about things that they don’t know or understand, I think they just need to stop. I think if we could just get a solid moment where we’re like okay, every Muslim is not a terrorist and every black person does not hate white people and you know every cop isn’t bad. If we could get into this space where we stop grouping everyone into an either or category.

 

Thank you for reading! Know of a lady in a dress with a story to tell? Feel free to e-mail us at aworldofdresses@gmail.com.

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Dressember is coming near!!

Dressember 2015 from Dressember on Vimeo.

The thing I’m most excited to do is use this blog as a platform to talk about larger issues and then do something about them! Dressember is the perfect way to do both. I participated in Dressember last December, and plan to do the same again this year. What is Dressember? Well, it occurs in the month of December and you commit to wearing a dress every day of the entire month to raise awareness and money to fight human trafficking.

Human trafficking is a global issue happening everywhere, including the United States. It is any situation where a person is forced to work in slavery. This happens in the form of sex slavery with girls as young as 11 and 12 years old. This also happens in situations of forced labor. International Justice Mission is a non-profit working all over the world to end human trafficking. They first rescue people out of trafficking situations. Then they provide the victims with after care support and therapy to help them transition back into society. Finally, their legal team goes after the perpetrators to hopefully serve them with justice. They hire all their case workers, therapists, attorneys, etc. in the countries they work in. Those people are most likely better prepared to navigate these situations than someone from outside their culture.

It’s definitely not a small problem or one that is easy. But I believe in the work of IJM and am glad they are there for people. All the fundraising efforts of Dressember go to IJM . Each particpant has their own fundraising page with a goal they choose. For example, starting out my goal was $300. However I reached that two weeks into December, so I decided to up my fundraising goal to $500. I was wearing the dresses anyway, so why not? By the end of the month I exceeded that and raised a total of $510. This was all from reaching out to family and friends, and sharing the campaign on social media. I say this to encourage everyone that they too can do this! You can participate as an individual or as a group. This year I’m hoping to take it up a notch and have a team with a few other ladies.

Registration for Dressember 2015 begins October 1st. I hope you will consider partipating. Visit www.dressember.org to learn more. Feel free to e-mail me at aworldofdresses@gmail.com if you have any questions.

 

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It’s bridesmaid time!

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A few days ago, I recieved a very thoughtful e-mail from my friend Sara. This coming April, Sara is getting married and I’m one of her bridesmaids. Sara and I met 10 years ago in our freshman year at Western Kentucky University. I’m excited to be a part of the wedding! As most of you can guess, bridesmaid dress shopping is very exciting to me! (however my favorite part of being a bridesmaid is the bachelorette party, but that’s a story for another time …)

The other women in the wedding are friends from grad school and her future sister-in-law, women I have yet to meet. The e-mail was a bcc to myself and the other bridesmaids. She asked us several questions:

– Do we want a short or long dress?
– What is our budget?
– Would we rather rent or buy a dress?

Looking back, even the bcc part was thoughtful. What if all the women started replying to the whole group and one was too embarrassed to admit her budget was lower than the rest? This way, our only option was to reply to Sara, allowing our answers to be completely between she and each bridesmaid. Kudos to Sara! I’m also not surprised as Sara is very detail-oriented with everything she does.

Bridesmaid dress shopping can be fun but also stressful. I’ve outlined several tips for both the bride and the bridesmaid.

For brides:

1. Understand that not all your bridesmaids are made of money. While you may like that $400 designer dress, understand that even if they will wear it again, it will probably only be once or twice. Open communication before dress shopping is key.

2. Pick something they can wear again. Even if they’re not spending $400 on their dress, a bridesmaid dress is usually more expensive than your regular dress. A classic, timeless dress is nice not only for this reason but for when you look back at your wedding photos years down the road. Trends are called trends for a reason.

3. Don’t decide on something before you see at least a few of them try it on. I was in a wedding about two years ago (pictured above in a beautiful dark pink dress … affordable and timeless) and we decided on the dress together with the bride. Myself, the bride, her sister (Maid of Honor) and her mom all went to David’s Bridal. I remember gettimg stuck in one dress. That was a no. Then we found these pink ones which seemed to flatter all body types. Her two cousins (pictured on either side of me) did not live nearby, so the dress details were sent to their local David’s Bridal. Having the input of at least a few of your bridesmaids can help.

For bridesmaids

1. Understand that the dress will cost some money. My pink dress above was $168. A good ballpark is $150-$200. If you think about it, your average woman is probably going to be in 3-5 weddings in her life. So while this is an expense, for me it’s an expense I’ll gladly spend for my friends. However not all brides have their bridesmaids in typical bridesmaid dresses. Some pick a color and let them choose. It’s really just all up to the bride.

2. Understand that this is her day. She may pick something you’re not the biggest fan of. I am a fan of being open about your concerns, but if she’s super set on a dress, you’ll just have to go with it. On the bright side, it’s only one day and it’s not your big day.

3. Be open and honest up front. The last thing a bride needs on her wedding day or in the few weeks before is your bottled up feelings about stuff. As a bridesmaid, anything you can do to alleviate her stress, the better. That is part of your job. So if your bride is not as up front as Sara has been (thanks Sara!), then go ahead and take the initiative. Chances are if she asked you to be a bridesmaid, she cares about you and your feelings.

Are you a bride? Are you a bridesmaid? Have you been one or both in the past? I have never been a bride, so I do not claim to have all the answers. What tips would you have?

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