A weekly column written by Catherine Daniels about her life with lupus.
If that’s the case, it’s time to get creative.
“Redefine what sex looks like for you as a couple,” Rose says. “Some women tell me they take two Tylenol half an hour before sex, or they have intercourse in the tub or on their sides. When they’re having a flare and can’t stand penetration, they can do more foreplay or oral sex.” – Web Md.
There is no easy way to say it, but lupus tried to kill my marriage. At least it tried to. But being stronger than your condition means you have to think outside the box. Love, sex and lupus can coexist when you’re patient with your body. I have found that creating a relaxing environment works on the mind, body and spirit. In my 24 years with my husband, I have to say that the last 10 have the most creative. Sometimes a relaxing bath can prepare the body and music can sooth the soul.
However studies have found that women who experience more intimacy are overall happier. I found this one interesting:
This study examined whether self-rated physical and emotional intimacy of 74 women with their heterosexual partner, during an illness episode of lupus, was related to their affect and relationship satisfaction. It was predicted that greater intimacy would be related to better psychosocial adjustment. Women who engaged in physically intimate behavior with their partner more often reported greater relationship satisfaction. Women who frequently avoided or who were often the initiators of physical intimacy, however, reported greater negative affect. Concerning emotional intimacy, women who disclosed more information about illness symptoms and women who concealed more information about their symptoms and feelings experienced the highest levels of negative affect. Results identify dilemmas that women with recurrent illness may face when trying to maintain intimacy during illness periods. 1Department of Psychology, Kent State University, Ohio 44242, USA. jdruley@kentvm.kent.edu
There’s always something with lupus. I don’t know if everyone feels like this, but I am usually waiting for the next shoe to drop. I never thought my love life would suffer, but it did. Lupus is such a selfish condition. When your honey bunny has laid (no pun intended) out the red carpet, and romance is in the air, mean old lupus comes in and crashes the party. Your body aches and it’s hard to be in the mood for love. So what does that mean for your relationship? You have to be creative. Romance and intimacy go hand in hand, even though they are two different things.
“Every human is a sexual being.”
With these words, Iris Zink, B.S.N., M.S.N., a nurse practitioner at the Beals Institute in Lansing, Michigan, and President-elect of the Rheumatology Nurses Society, begins the lecture she gives to health care professionals across the country. The Beals Institute treats people with autoimmune diseases and osteoporosis. In her role there, “I’m known as ‘the sex lady,” she says with a laugh.
Sometimes the sexiest thing can simply be to smile through your pain!
Next week, I plan to write about medication overload!
Catherine is a wife and mother living in Cincinnati. In 2004, she was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune diseases where your white blood cells attack your red blood cells. Your body basically looses it’s line of defense. Lupus is often known as the invisible disease because it manifests itself in ways that aren’t outright and visible. Some days it’s extreme fatigue and other’s it’s extreme pain. Through this weekly column, Catherine hopes to help the world better understand what it means to live life with lupus.
