Hey all. Lately I have been in less of a bloggy spirit. I lost my mother a little over a week ago. This next year will be tough and I just want to give myself the space to grieve. People deal with their emotions in different ways. For me, writing has always been one of my favorite ways to deal with tough things. Furthermore, my mom always loved reading my writing. I started this blog after she went to the hospital in August, so she never really got the chance to read it. However she was always my biggest supporter. I know that if she was still alive, she’d be reading every single post, commenting and sharing it on Facebook. She’d be telling me how proud she is of me and how great of a writer she thinks I am. It just seems fitting that I write about her. I know she’s looking down on me cheering me on.
I doubt that this will be my last time honoring her on the blog. People say that grieving is a long process. Six months, eight months or two years from now, it could just hit me. I actually remember having a conversation with my mom of all people about losing a parent. It was only a year or two ago. She lost her father when I was one. She was in her early thirties at the time and was devastated. The two of them were very close. She said that it still would hit her at times. For example, she’d be reading the newspaper and something would remind her of him. She could be a wreck for the next hour or two. I know I’ll have those moments as well. And when they do come, I just want to live in the moment, experiencing whatever emotion I am at that time.
Today I want to write about my favorite memories I shared with my mom. These are some of many amazing memories. I could not have asked for a better mom.
Reading together each night
My mom loved helping me learn. She also had a strong love for reading and passed that love along to me. It started with picture books and turned into chapter books when I got to that age. I loved that she continued reading with me throughout elementary school. I remember thinking it was so neat that we were reading chapter books.
Every night I would change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. Together my mom and I would open up whatever book we were reading. Page by page we would take turns while the other braided or brushed the other’s hair. The time I spent with my mom growing up was my safe place. With my mom, I was just free to be myself. I got made fun of a bit growing up. But my time spent with my mom was so pure. She just loved me for me and encouraged me to be exactly who I was. Through this she gave me a love of reading.
Visiting me in Washington, DC
I spent a year in Washington, DC my first full year out of undergrad about five years ago. I lived in a community house where I lucked into the largest room with a spare bed after a housemate moved out a few months in. That spare bed got used by many visitors including my mom. I had a bulletin board in my room with pictures, flyers, letters from friends and other sorts of things I found important. At one point, we were just having some down time in my room. After looking at said bulletin board she goes “I just like the person that you are.” It was just such a sweet and candid moment where she showed her love for me. She was always such a loving person that she probably didn’t think much of that moment. However she probably doesn’t know how many times I’ve thought back to that very moment. It has really encouraged me over the years to just be me.
The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games were one of her favorite book series. In fact, she owned several copies of each book for the sole purpose of lending them to other people. That was so very my mom. When she loved something, she shared it. She loved the story of The Hunger Games and the overall message behind it all.
So of course when the movies came out, she was so excited. I saw the movies several times with her, both in the theaters and at home. My best friend knows of my mom’s love of The Hunger Games. So for Christmas, she gave me two necklaces with the Mockingjay symbol on them. One was hung around her neck when she was buried and I have the other one. At some point soon, I will wear it for the first time.
Well it is late. I could write about easily 10 more memories. Instead, I’ll save those for another blog post. Mom I love and miss you.
