Life with Lupus: Straight from the heart

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This is Catherine. You may have noticed that’s she’s been writing a weekly column on the blog. I love empowering women and find that writing can be a huge tool in that. Catherine has been a friend for the past four years. Lately, she and her family have had some trying times. Furthermore, she’s been suffering from lupus for about 12 years now. I initially interviewed her for one of my weekly Q&A’s (Catherine’s triumphs over lupus and homelessness) a few months ago. In said Q&A, she mentioned that lupus is often seen as the invisible disease because all the pain is internal. On the outside, no one would know Catherine is sick. Furthermore, when Catherine is out and about, she has a smile on her face. Since lupus is invisible, I invited her to make it a little un-invisible through this weekly column. This one is one of her most honest ones yet. 

 

By Catherine Daniels

I have lupus and I’m homeless. It’s been a long road my family and I have had to travel, but I believe had we not been together as a family, it would have been a lot worse. The stress of homelessness has made dealing with lupus even worse.

When my family and I first became homeless, we would have never thought we would live this way. So you ask what it meant to be homeless? My vision of homelessness consisted of a person who stood at the exit of the highway with a sign saying ” homeless and hungry. Please help me!” Seeing that person always made me mad. Somehow that was the face of homelessness and it was inexcusable! Why would they let themselves go like that? I was exactly the person that judged a book by its cover. But I could not be more wrong.

The faces changed as we became the homeless. I was embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed. Not just because of our situation but because I allowed myself and my family to be judged by others. When the faces of homelessness took on the reflection in the mirror, I noticed others differently. Now I see a family with children and pets. People living day to day trying to survive.

We lived in a minivan for the first two weeks and it was hell. We were washing up in the bathrooms at McDonald’s and using their free wi-fi as a means of communication with available services.  It was like living in a bad dream. The stress was overwhelming and it took my lupus to an all-time low. The stress of being homeless broke my stress levels through the roof and it almost took me out. My husband and son tried to make things as comfortable as possible, though. We were grateful for our friends as they rallied together to help us afford a stay at a motel. We were able to at least stop living in the van.

When you have lupus, anything that affects the nervous system can turn a headache into a full on seizure. I tried to stay calm but it was hard when you did not know where your next meal would come from, or whether or not you would have a roof over your head the next day. Being homeless is exhausting. It seems like every ounce of strength you have is spilled just thinking of ways to get out. While my husband looked for work, my son and I, and our two little dogs stayed behind at the motel waiting.

When we were able to get out of homelessness, we found shelter for a few weeks at a very good friend’s apartment. All of the support from friends was priceless. With my husband being a veteran, we were able get help from SSVF (Supportive Services for Veteran Families) and we were saved for a year. We lived in a very nice home in a beautiful community, but unbeknownst to us we were not out of the woods. It just goes to show you that you should always have a plan B. We were not prepared for what came next. Trusting the people who were there to help was a mistake. The assistance we thought we were going to get ran its course without our knowledge and it put us back on the homeless path. I can honestly say our resources were better the second time around, although it was just as stressful we learned how to adapt.

My personal way of dealing with the stress was to take my medicine, hoping it would dull my pain inside and out. I did not have a way to contribute to getting us out while my husband looked for work and running errands for people in exchange for money. Everyday I worried about if he was desperate enough to do the unspeakable. Fortunately it did not come to that, but worried me just the same. I wondered how people thought of him and what people thought of our son. For a long time my medicine was my escape from my reality.

So that brought us to the current day. Most days I am so tired I can’t get out of the bed. Other days a short walk with the dogs turned into hours of endless pain. My heart breaks when I think of how I used to judge others who were homeless. How could I have been so judgmental? Never again. You never really know a person’s circumstances, so never judge a book by its cover.

 

 

 

 

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Getting organized part one

I am not an organized person by nature. I never have been. I can remember growing up having a messy room and a messy locker. This continued into college. While I had my ways of keeping my head above water, so to speak, it was never perfect. However I’ve had a nagging in the back of my head over these past four years as I settle into adulthood and my late 20’s. I know I need to be organized and yet I have not consistently found my system.

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I’ve concluded that some people are just born to be organized. I have no idea what makes some people organized and others not. Perhaps they had parents who nagged them to clean their room all the time. Perhaps they were not allowed certain privileges and freedoms until their room was spotless. While my parents were generally concerned that my room was clean, they were never sticklers for spotlessness. Perhaps some people are so bugged when things are out of order that literally nothing else matters. For me, I’ve never been like that. I can let a few things sit in my car for days. I can let things pile up on my bedroom floor until I have to dig to get things out of it. It can be bad.

However organization is important to me. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t feel this nagging. I want to live as the best me I can possibly be. I know that that means organization. My dresses will love it. My earrings will love it. My shoes will love it. And, most of all, my mornings will love it as I won’t be rushing around digging through piles of things to find those perfect earrings to go with that cute red dress I’m wearing.

So last night I began part one on my journey towards organization. Organization is like jumping off a cliff: you just have to do it. It’s also like playing any sort of a sport: you can’t wimp out or be a pansy. Honestly, I found myself either wanting to yell at myself last night or give myself pep talks.

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Oh God it was a mess

The first part is normally pretty easy. You’re excited. You have all these visions in your head of your nice, organized life. I know I’m very much an imaginative kind of person. I can often jump to conclusions. It’s in this stage that you need to remind yourself that it’s only through hard work that good, solid organization happens.

I’m going through my things. I’m making piles of things to recycle, things to throw away, things to donate and things to keep. I’m hanging up clean clothing and putting dirty clothing in my hamper. Everything feels great. I’m making progress.

Then step two happens. Step two is a trap and you should avoid it at all costs. Step two is the Internet. I found myself on my phone and laptop with the excuse “Oh, I need to check Twitter! Maybe I need to make a tweet. I haven’t tweeted in a few hours.” IT’S A TRAP! Do whatever you can in this moment to get yourself back to cleaning. Perhaps leaving all Internet communication outside of the room you’re cleaning would be best (as I say this in hindsight).

I did return to cleaning. I ended up cleaning my room so that I can actually walk around it. Are these still bags I need to go through? Yes. But have I made progress? Also yes!

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This here is the after of this side of my room. I can walk! While things in the entirety of my room are not perfect, I feel good. I have a healthy start that I can sleep well on.

Over these next few weeks, we’ll organize it all! My dresses, my dresser, my closet, my bathroom and my car. I welcome any and all tips or tricks you may have for organization. Lord knows I need it.

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Q&A with Meghan

Life has a funny way of putting people in your path. I’ve actually “known” Meghan for about four years now. She used to work at a non-profit where friends of mine were involved. I thus also got involved. However save for a hello or a short conversation about the weather, Meghan and I never really talked. Four years later the two of us find ourselves working as AmeriCorps members at the same organization. We’ve both had the opportunity to be of support to one another as we navigate our new work environment and feelings of doing AmeriCorps at age 28. She had also mentioned reading and liking A World of Dresses, so I thought it’d be fun to take a lunch break one day to interview her. It was fascinating. I just wish I had had this conversation with her sooner.

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Name: Meghan Snyder
Age: 28
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio. From Phoenix, Arizona

So why Xavier if you’re from Arizona?

Well I knew I wanted to study social work and I heard about this concept of a service-learning semester. My uncle is a Jesuit, so I’ve kind of grown up with the Jesuit ideals, I guess. I wanted to try out somewhere new, so not California and not Arizona. So I applied to Xavier, and came and visited. There were daffodils and tulips growing out of the ground. I was like “What? I’ve never seen this before!” They also offered me the most amount of money. So I was like “that helps and then they also have the social work.” I minored in peace studies, and gender and diversity studies, and did the India service-learning semester. So it was all the things I wanted plus they had tulips growing out of the ground (laughs). So that helped.

So why social work? What made you go into that field?

I was kind of a weird child/teen. I guess all growing up, I questioned why things were the way they were. I was always very conscious about inequalities that I saw or different things I heard about some people being less than other people. I was always to my parents like “Why is that? Why is it that like Mexican children at my elementary school have to travel so much further to go to school? Why don’t they get to live in the nicer neighborhood that we live in?” Like I was just like “Why is there mainly white people around?” So then I participated in this program called Anytown, which is in Phoenix. It brought together high school students from all over the Phoenix area. And I learned a lot from people from all different backgrounds and it was then that I was like “I just want to help people.” My counselor was a social worker and I was like “Oh, that’s your job! Helping people and helping them to figure out resources to live well, and empowering people?” So I was like “Okay!”

So social work was it after that.

Yes. So now I’m getting my Master’s at the Mount in Spirituality and Pastoral Care.

That’s cool! So tell me what made you decide to go that route for your masters degree?

Well I realized that in social work, there’s not a lot of emphasis on spirituality and using that as a source of strength for people. It is also a huge way of understanding people from a cultural perspective in terms of religion and also understanding any negative experiences with spirituality or religion. That really shapes who a person is. So I wanted to be able to incorporate religion and spirituality into social work practice.

What do you see that looking like now that you have the social work background and the pastoral care/spirituality masters?

What I would love to do … So after I graduated from Xavier, I lived in Xavier’s Over-the-Rhine semester apartment, which was six years ago, so it was before Over-the-Rhine was like it is now and it was right across the street from Washington Park. We created this urban weekend for students going on other service-learning semesters. I loved creating that and creating ways for students to learn experientially through conversation and through actual like real life experiences, and then adding them together to reflect on what they are learning. So experiential learning with reflection and figuring out action steps.

Yeah because I know Xavier is big on that. There’s the semester in Nicaragua, you did the semester in India, there’s the semester in Over-the-Rhine and I’m sure other ones I don’t know of.

Yes. They only have one in Nicaragua now, but they did have one in India and they used to have one in Ghana.

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Megan in her classic dress, jeans and chacos look!

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Cool. So you went on the one in India? So what part of India?

I lived in Delhi and lived with a community of Xavier students, and a community of younger Catholic nuns who were studying at the university nearby

Were they Indian nuns?

Yes. But they were from all over India and so that was a real fun experience (laughs). I worked in Mother Theresa’s Home for the Destitute and Dying. I took classes. It was great. Actually that was where I really decided about the mix of social work and spirituality. Because the word there to say hello and goodbye is Namaste, but it really means the God in me recognizes and honors the God in you. So how powerful is it that that’s the way you greet people? So when I was at Mother Theresa’s Home, that was the way we greeted each other and it was helping in working alongside with the women there doing laundry and I just realized this power of putting the two together. The respect and dignity of a human person from a spiritual perspective. That’s why I want to work to help them to be the best. That they can show their assets and their strengths and their talents.

So this was about seven years ago?

Yeah.

So how has that word Namaste affected the way you interact with people now?

I feel like it affected the way I interact with people. I try to have more meaning behind hello than is normal in our society. When you say hello in our society, it’s kind of like a passing thing. I try to have meaning. It’s really taught me the power of just recognizing the human dignity. Each person is God and must treated as such. And being a creation of God means that they have within them all these gifts to offer to the world. When you think about all the people who don’t have the opportunities or don’t have the resources to be able give those.

So that’s probably why you do what you do.

Yeah I mean that’s why I worked at Starfire. I saw how people with developmental disabilities were kept in their homes and kept away from society. We have this whole group of people who can give so much and make the world a better place. I know how cliche that sounds, but like they don’t have the opportunities. We have stripped their abilities to do that.

After graduation, you spent five years at Starfire. How did that time impact your life and where you are now?

Working at Starfire, I feel like I did every job you could possibly do at a non-profit and beyond. So that was really neat just to be able to learn all those skills. But what it mainly taught me was the power of community and that every community, along with every person, has assets. Sometimes you have to work harder to find them because of stereotypes and prejudices about that particular community or about that particular person. We have to tap into these assets and tap into these potentials and then work with the community, work with a group of people and work with an individual to help that blossom. And now when people are talking about a certain neighborhood or ask me about a certain neighborhood, I can name off everything about that neighborhood; where they should go, what coffee shop they should go to, what people they need to meet there and what activities they should do there.

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Megan and her dog Sunny

Yeah that’s the whole idea behind Starfire. You connect members to their neighborhoods.

Yeah and part of my job just happened that I did a lot of volunteer opportunities for our Starfire members. So I had this huge binder of all these non-profits and their volunteer opportunities. Then I would look at what a Starfire member’s assets or talents are, and I would connect them to the agency that was in their neighborhood and could be of use to that member’s assets or passions. Then I would go with them to do these volunteer opportunities. So I learned a lot about volunteering and I think that’s why I wanted to be a volunteer coordinator, which is my position now. I’ve seen all the things that can come from having a good volunteer coordinator and I’ve seen how a volunteer coordinator can really be a detriment also. So I wanted to do it so I could be a good one, I guess. Or you know have people have deeper experiences in terms of their volunteering and feel like they’re learning things through it and empowering to work for larger social justice issues. Even from the most menial task like if a person is just filing or something. But place it in that larger context and when people realize it’s part of this larger context that it’s working towards bettering society, I feel like all tasks mean something.

So what are some ways that people don’t manage volunteers well? What are some big mistakes that people make?

I think not educating volunteers on the issues and social injustices that are the reason the non-profit is there. Not putting the agency in context of the larger community, and larger city and network and all that kind of stuff. So I think that you can feel useless or feel like you’re not doing anything important because you’re not understanding the larger picture. I think another issue is when volunteer coordinators don’t tap into the deeper passions of their volunteers. So like if someone e-mails saying that they want to do ESL teaching but asking them “What are your other passions? What things do you love?” That can enable me then to like say we have enough ESL teachers, I can ask them if they love numbers, I can ask them to say do financial ESL because that taps into your love of numbers. Or lets say they love music. I can link them to refugee families who also really like music. They can bond over that shared love of music.

What do you think your gifts are?

It’s hard to talk about yourself (laughs). I guess I’m good at helping people identify their gifts. Like figuring out what people do well and telling them that they do them really well. I’m also creative but in a not-artistic way. Like in a way of looking at what people have identified as issues or problems, and re-framing things and looking at different ways, and coming at it with out-of-the-box ideas.

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What does being a woman mean to you?

That’s interesting because my partner is an adjunct professor of women’s studies at NKU, so we talk about women, and women’s issues and women’s studies all the time. I think most about being a woman when it’s any kind of voting day because I think about all the women who have come before me who have worked for my right to vote. I think about all the women in other countries who do not have the right to vote. And I think about how women are not empowered in various ways in the community but our vote is the same. I think voting is a very empowering experience and it makes me proud to be a woman who is proud to be in sisterhood with all these women who have come before her who have made it possible for her to vote.

I think being a woman is for me it involves nurturing in many aspects. I think there’s this need to nurture. Also when I was growing up, my mom had this pin from the late 60’s that she wore in high school that says “the future is female.” And she used to and still does, when I would get down about something she’s like “Megan remember, the future’s female! Be empowered by being a woman!” And I’m like “Okay!” So I think it reminds me of all these amazing women who are breaking glass ceilings and doing things that they’ve been told they can’t do because they’re a woman. And I’m like “yeah!”

So other than your family, who are some of the important relationships in your life?

My partner Emily. She’s amazing. We’re so different but we have so many similar values. We’ve been together for four years. We met when she was a volunteer at Starfire. Our first date, she picked me up. I was living in a community house at the time. All my roommates were so excited that I was going on this date because I had had a rough break-up. They were all excited. It was a nice day, so like all of my nine roommates were sitting on the porch when she pulled up. I was running late because I run late quite often. So she had to talk to them for a few minutes on the porch until one of my roommates ran up to tell me that she was there. I didn’t even know she was there for like those first two minutes. So she had a very quick welcome to my life. We live together in Northside with our dog Sunny. And half the year, we’re foster moms to Patrick Swayze, the bunny who lives at Sidewinder in the courtyard during the months that it’s nice outside.

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Pink Slate and Small Business Saturday

The Internet is truly an amazing thing. Forty years ago, the details of Pink Slate would have looked a lot different. Co-owners Amber and Susan would have needed a storefront, shop hours and additional staff. However with the Internet, Pink Slate can be a clothing boutique without the brick and mortar of a traditional shop. Furthermore, the Internet can reach farther and wider than one boutique shop in a Midwestern city.

The story of Pink Slate started with a friendship formed by two women overseas. While Amber and Susan attended the same high school, they were not close friends. However five years later they found themselves in Germany together when Susan’s husband and Amber were stationed in the military together. They were outnumbered by all the men, so they formed a strong friendship in the barracks over bottles of wine and laughter. Little did they know that that friendship would define their future.

After they left Germany, the two remained incredibly close. Over the next few years both women experienced many hardships and life changes. And yet they continued to be each other’s supporters. This strong friendship was how Pink Slate was born.

Pink Slate is an online boutique for women of all shapes and sizes. Their vision is to promote self-love, confidence and positivity. It was incredibly important to Amber and Susan to own a business promoting positive self-esteem. In the past, both have struggled with weight loss and gain, and self-esteem issues.

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One of their models showing off their curvy collection (taken from their Pinterest)

“Our hope and dream is that the Pink Slate woman feels as amazing as she truly is when she puts on one of our pieces,” said Amber. “We want our customer to hold herself proudly and confidently, knowing that she is BEAUTIFUL.”

Running a small business is not easy, though. Both admit to finding that work-life balance to be a struggle. They both constantly have to remind themselves that faith and family take precedence over Pink Slate. While Susan worked in the fashion industry and Amber worked in the corporate world, starting a business was completely new to them. There were many things they had to learn from scratch.

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Also from Pinterest

However both women seem to absolutely love it. Through their online boutique, they have met countless other women. While they have a passion for fashion, they seem to have more of a passion for people and relationships. They have connected with many other female small business owners across the country. They have had opportunities to collaborate and cross-promote each other.

“There are women we haven’t even met yet, that live across the country, who we know that we could count on if we needed help, support, advice, or just to listen to,” said Amber. “We want to be the same for other women!”

The clothing in their shop is clothing that they feel like they would own. Rather than paying attention to fashion trends, they pay attention to what is trending on television, in culture, lifestyle and culture. The women who model the clothing are mostly friends or family members. In the beginning, Amber and Susan would model the clothing. They like to laugh looking back as both women said they prefer to stay behind the camera.

They also are always looking for ways to give back. They want to use their boutique as a vehicle to make the world a better place. In the past they’ve supported an angel tree program, the Sleeping Sound and have volunteered their time in various ministries.

Disclaimer: their website is down 12.12.15 to control inventory as the ladies have their shop set up at an event all day! We hope it’s a success and lots of women become life-long customers! In the mean time, you should just go to their Pinterest to check out more of their photos!

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Also taken from Pinterest

 

 

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Sarah, a fellow Dressember blogger

I would like to thank Twitter for this week’s My Closet feature. Twitter is how I met Sarah, the South Carolina woman behind the blog Bows and Clothes. She blogs about style, clothing, inspiration and encouragement. We initially found each other through Dressember.

If you are unaware, Dressember is a month-long campaign to raise awareness to end human trafficking. Women all around the world are committing to wearing a dress every single day for the entire month of December. The idea is that it is in solidarity with so many women who are being oppressed. Men can participate too. Many are choosing to wear bow ties all month in solidarity. Each participant can have their own fundraising page. Sarah and I both have one. The money goes to International Justice Mission and A21.

One day I was on Twitter retweeting some of the Dressember tweets as usual when I noticed that a girl named Sarah was retweeting me and liking my tweets. So naturally, I clicked on her profile and saw that she was also a blogger. I then of course clicked on her blog and learned that she was also participating in Dressember! That made me super excited. So I thought “I had better e-mail her!” She responded, of course. Sarah seems to be very engaged with her followers. Then, as what typically happens with good ideas, about a day later I decided that I should feature her on My Closet. So thus, here we are. These five dresses are special as they are some of ones she has worn for Dressember.

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This first tunic-style dress is from Old Navy. She said she actually found it in the kids section. She doesn’t normally shop in the kid’s department, however these dresses were running large. I would have never guessed this came from the kid’s section, so she fooled me! She said the high-low hem is one of her favorite parts of this dress.

“If I were to just wear one dress for a whole month, I would pick this one,” she said.

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This green dress is one she found at Ross. She said she initially bought it because of the bright green color and capped sleeves. It makes it easy to pair with a sweater. I really liked how she put the hot pink scarf with this outfit. Both shades of pink and green seem to pop, and thus work well together. Here’s another look at the dress:

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This was another Ross find. Sarah says that Ross is probably one of her favorite places to find dresses as they have a large selection at reasonable prices. She felt like this one was very versatile.

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These next two are Kohl’s finds. The pink one is one she instantaneously fell in love with when she saw it. She had to buy it. The striped one is one of those convertible dresses. It can be worn as a maxi, midi or skirt. Pretty neat

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Sarah hopes that through her blog, readers will be inspired to be themselves. The quote “you are the only you, so you better be you” is in the “About me” section of her blog. While she has always been a fan of style blogs, her spirituality is what inspired her to start Bows and Clothes.

“One day I felt that God was calling me to have my own style blog since I love style and fashion,” she said. “I also want to inspire people, not because I think I’m perfect, but because God helps me with my imperfection.”

She has been blogging for about 13 months now. She just hopes her blog can inspire women. When she is not blogging, she can be found singing, making crafts, shopping or cooking.

Thanks Sarah! Best of luck in Dressember!

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Life with lupus: My friend the meds

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This is my good friend Catherine. I interviewed her for the Q&A about a month ago. She has lupus, a chronic condition she will have for the rest of her life. Lupus is often called the invisible disease because much of the suffering is not necessarily visible to all. This week she writes about medication and lupus.

People with lupus take lots of medication. I easily take over 20 pills each day, which can create an adventure in and of itself. A few of the different types of medicine used to treat and manage Lupus:

  • Aspirin
  • Anti-Inflammatories
  • Acetaminophen (Tylenol®)
  • Ibuprofen (Motrin®), naproxen (Naprosyn®), indomethacin (Indocin®), nabumetone (Relafen®), and celecoxib (Celebrex®).
  • Corticosteroids (also known as glucocorticoids, cortisone or steroids)
  • Antimalarials
  • Immunosuppressives (Immune Modulators)
  • Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan®)
  • Methotrexate (Rheumatrex™)
  • Azathioprine (Imuran®)
  • Anticoagulants
  • Monoclonal antibodies
  • Benlysta (belimumab, formerly called LymphoStat-B™)
  • Repository Corticotropin Injection (H.P. Acthar Gel)

As you can see, there isn’t just one medication for lupus. When taking many pills, it can be hard to keep up with it all. As I mentioned in previous columns, you have to just laugh to keep going. What else can you do in this situation? Here are a few funny things I’ve done or have had happen to me:

  • You’ve looked for your sun hat while wearing it.
  • You have to count the amount of pills left in the bottle to tell whether or not you remembered to take your pills that day.
  • When you know another month has passed, only because it’s time to refill your meds!
  • You’re embarrassed to admit it’s because you’re lost, 3 miles from home.
  • Your husband calls you by your Native American name “Dances with Lupus.”

This is just the tip of the iceberg. In my conversations with other Lupus sufferers, there are so many other medications. I know that I take at the minimum of 22 pills a day. All combined creates a totally new drug with all the side affects you can think of.

With there being so many different types of lupus, medicine can be totally different combination. It can be very frustrating to have a doctor visits and have them tell you that they would try a new treatment. It’s hard not to feel like a lab rat when trying to treat your particular type of lupus.

In the words of Mary Poppins” a spoon full of sugar make the medicine go down.” True words!!

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Dressember after week 1

This year, I’m again participating in Dressember. If you follow me on my Instagram or Twitter, though, this is probably not news to you. Last year it was just me on my team and I raised $510 from my circle of family and friends. This year I have several ladies on my team with me. It feels like a wonderful, sort of natural progression. Each year I plan to participate in Dressember and do my part to make it bigger than the year before. The more people who know about Dressember, the better.

Social media has many great benefits. I love clicking on #Dressember or #Dressember to see how far and wide the campaign is this year. Another popular hashtag I’ve seen is #itsbiggerthanadress. That phrase comes to mind as I get dressed each morning and multiple times throughout each day. Women all over the world are wearing dresses each day this month not because it’s cute or trendy. In fact, it has nothing to do with us.

I’m constantly reminded of the privilege I have in my life. Millions of people around the world are being forced into slavery. Girls as young as 12 are being forced into prostitution. They are being robbed the innocent childhoods they deserve. If you are a mother, just imagine the anger you’d feel if your daughter had to go through that. It’s sickening.

It’s Bigger than a Dress could almost be the motto for my blog. I love dresses. Anyone who is close to me knows that. But I also have a strong passion for social justice. I have a passion to tell stories of women from all different backgrounds. I want to use dresses to make the world a better place.

Dressember is such a great way to do that. The hopeful thing is that International Justice Mission and A21 are strong, functioning organizations. They rescue trafficking victims, provide them with the aftercare and serve the perpetrators with justice. In order for them to be the light of hope they are, they need funding. The money from Dressember goes to both of these groups. The funding pays for case workers, therapists, attorneys and other trained professionals to commit their life to ending slavery. With 27 million people in the world in slavery, the need is great.

My hope is that during this most wonderful time of the year, you give a little bit of thought to those who are not having the most wonderful time. Perhaps you can help be that light by giving to Dressember. My goal is $650 and I plan to reach that. I would love it if you can help me. You can view my page here.

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Q&A: Kelly the comedian

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This week, I decided to interview my improv pal Kelly. I’m in an improv troupe called Highly Improvable and she’s currently the Assistant Director. We have show Friday, December 11th. You should go. In other news, this may have been the funniest interview/photo shoot I’ve done thus far for A World of Dresses.

  • Name: Kelly McAndrews
  • Age: 23
  • Location: Cincinnati/Lebanon, Ohio
  • Graduated from BGSU
  • Majored in film studies, minored in French

How did you get involved in improv? It started in college, right?

Yeah my friends did long-form and I went to the first show, I think, freshman year. I feel really bad saying this, but I was like “I can do that so much better than they can!” So I got involved the next year with that. I didn’t know there were rules to improv. I just thought I was going on a stage and like pretending. That’s why I was like, “I can do this way better than anyone else! I love make believe.” And then I got on there and there were rules, and you have to learn to really respect your scene partner and stuff like that. So it was like oh, this is like an actual craft you have to learn. So that was a blast.

You just thought you jumped up there and started talking.

Yeah seriously. Because the way that they did it was the armando form which is where you do a monologue first and then you go into an act. The way that they did their monologues were a lot like standup routines. They were always making people laugh, so I was like “I love standup! I’ve been watching standup since I was a little kid! I can do this perfectly! I would love it!” But it was a lot harder than I thought.

Have you ever done standup?

Three times in my life (laughs).

Is it something you like or do you like sticking with improv more?

I mean I love it because you control it yourself and you don’t really have to depend on another person to like support you. Like in a scene you have to. But you think it’s going to be just you talking to a crowd and them laughing at you, but there’s so much work that goes behind it. Like you have to write enough to have meat of an argument or a funny story that you have to tell. And then you also have to have it memorized so well so that you’re not standing up there sweating like “Oh, let me check my notes! Ohhh, sorry!” It’s kind of tough. But improv is a lot more like a carnival. You just go and explore different things.

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Like a carnival. I like that!

Yeah.

So this was your sophomore year of college that you started going to improv. So I would imagine that that’s probably four years now that you’ve been doing it.

Yes. Maybe it was my junior year. Oh, I don’t remember.

So three or four years.

Yeah because I watched a lot of them and I hung out with those guys so much that I think I auditioned junior year.

So you had to audition to be in your college improv group?

Yeah.

What was that process like?

It was kind of weird, I guess because there were a lot of people like me who didn’t know there were rules. Like comedy standards you had to uphold, so you could get anywhere from people just standing with cold feet like “I have no idea what I’m doing!” and then other people who had been through the audition process already and were already in the group and were made to audition again. They were phenomenal, so you had different kinds of talent, I guess.

Yeah. Was that scary a little bit?

The first time it was. I was made to audition again because I wasn’t like a regular member the next year, so I went through those audition processes a couple of times. By a certain point I was comfortable and I was already friends with everyone before I actually went into it. So it was easier for me because I had that experience with those people already and I could see the way their groups worked, so I could kind of take that style for myself. But it was scary. Every audition process is scary, I think.

Yeah absolutely. There’s always that possibility that it’s not going to work out, which is scary in and of itself.

Yeah.

What keeps you coming back to improv?

The fact that there is so much variety, and that you can get such a variety of players and audiences. Also a difference in creativity. Like certain people will come out of left field with something that really creates a challenge for you. That’s what I like when I’m presented with people who have a completely different comedy style than my own and I have to kind of adapt to that. But then you also get people who have been your friends for years and you can go up on stage and know that it’s going to be hilarious every time. So you really work up trust and friendship.

Yeah! It’s like a team.

Yeah exactly.

Now that you’ve been at this for a bit, are there any sorts of practices that you take with you? Or any sorts of things you do in a scene to save yourself if it’s not going well?

One thing that my very first troupe director told me was “You go on stage and your job is to make the other person look as good as possible. And if that person goes on stage knowing that their job is to make you look as good as possible, then it’s going to be great every single time.” So if I have a scene that’s failing, I’ll turn it around and try to explore the relationship between me and whoever is on stage with me. Or I’ll try and add some new element to the scene to take it a different direction. It’s all about trust and all about joy, I guess. You can’t take out your anger and frustration on your scene partner. You have to show them that you still believe in the scene.

Yeah so it all comes back to that teamwork and that whole idea of “yes and!” where you’re accepting what they throw out.

Yeah.

So I know you got involved in Highly Improvable through your brother Ryan who was a member and now lives in Boston. So yeah, now you’re a post-college graduate. Do you see any differences between our group and what you did in college?

Yeah absolutely because Highly Improvable is a teaching troupe, first and foremost. So we are so much more accepting of everything whereas back in college, we did have an audition process in the first place, so it was kind of elitist. Like “Well if you’re not the best, you can’t get in.” But here all the focus is on learning and growing together. I really like that open environment a lot more. Because I did have conflicts with people in college, like with players I just didn’t gel with. It was all about “We gotta be the best! We gotta be the best!” because there were four troupes on campus, I think. So we were friendly with each other but we were always like in competition with each other to be the best. That was a lot more pressureist … that’s not a word (laughs). It’s an environment of pressure, I guess.

Yeah so do you find that the environment we have in Highly Improvable creates community for everybody? Everyone just seems to get along well.

Yeah yeah. I think our issue is the distance. If we were closer to the city center, then we would have so much more … the rest of the Cincinnati improv community would be able to join in and year about us and stuff like that. But the troupe that we do have right now seems to gel real well. We’re kind of feeling each other’s strengths and weaknesses. So we’re all kind of learning together.

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What has improv taught you?

More than anything to listen because I used to be one of the people who would wait to talk. It’d be like “Oh yeah great. Here’s my opinion.” But now I try to seek out what another is … I guess their essence. What they want to be and why they’re talking about what they’re talking about. I try to pay attention. I’ve become more observant as well.

So you feel like these things are things you carry with you over into your every day life outside of improv?

Yeah. And there’s also the concept of what you were saying, yes and! Half of it is accepting what happens and the other half is adding to what happens. So you can sort of apply that philosophy to any aspect of life. You have to accept what’s going on, whether it’s some sort of turmoil or good thing, and then you have to contribute to making it better or escalating it, if that makes sense. So just being part of the fun and taking it up a notch.

Yeah. Do you have any examples of ways that you’ve used “Yes and!” in your everyday life?

I think more often than not, in daily conversation, I try make people laugh in conversation. So like if I have a bit going on with somebody, it’s just a question of like adding and adding to whatever it is that we’re talking about. For example I have a friend and we talk about goblins a lot. It’s so stupid. We talk about goblins working because we work at a cafe together. So goblins just mess up stuff in the cafe. And then we keep adding to like “Oh, it’s Peter the goblin. He’s done something again.”

Tell me about your transition to becoming director. Everyone who becomes director starts out as assistant director. What made you decide to go that route?

The first reason I wanted to be assistant director is because I love running warmups. That’s all I wanted to do. Just run warmups. But I knew that it came with the commitment of becoming director and I just assumed I would learn it in this period. I don’t feel super prepared, but once again it’s a learning curve. I just have to dive in and hope that I’m doing what’s expected of me for the troupe. Right now I’m kind of trying to establish myself as a link between Harrison and the rest of us. So like if anybody in the troupe has problems, they can come to me. Which it has kind of happened, in a way. I feel a lot more authoritative than I did. But once again a lot less like one of the cool kids.

Yeah you have to lay down the law.

Yeah like I’m not the class clown anymore. I’m the teacher, which is weird.

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How do you feel about becoming director?

It’s terrifying. Mostly my biggest concern right now is what present to get for Harrison when he’s not director anymore. That’s my biggest concern. He’s not a girl. He won’t like flowers, probably. Probably a gift card. I’ll get him a gift card and have everybody sign the card. But he’s been the one who gets cards for everyone when they leave. I’m like “Man, that’s my least favorite part of this. I have to go buy cards for everyone when they leave.”

Well the thing with Harrison is that he’s quite possibly one of the nicest guys in the entire world, so if you get him something he hates he’ll probably just be like “Oh, it’s great!”

I will now take extra effort to get him something that he does hate and I’ll try to catch him in the act of returning it (we both laughed … a lot).

So how does it feel to be a female comedian?

My personal experience hasn’t really be shaped by my oppression as a female. It’s kind of been more like a celebration of the fact. In the few standup bits that I did, the troupes that I was in that were integrated, because I was in one that was all female, I never really felt excluded because of the whole trope that women aren’t funny. I more so felt like people were trying to include my presence and other females involved in our troupes because we were women and because we did have talent and we wanted to be showcased.

So for you, it’s super empowering to be up there as a woman and be like “Yeah!”?

Yeah I love it. And my thing is that improv is so fluid that you can step on stage and it doesn’t matter who you are. What matters is what you become when you’re on stage. So I play men. I play women. I try to switch up my identity as much as possible because there is that whole thing of character work. Like you have to be good at switching between characters in the first place. But I mean that could be as simple as just changing your voice. But I really try to step outside of the box and be as many different identities as possible.

What advice would you give to female comics or females interested in getting into comedy?

Be as big and boisterous and rude as you dare to be. Honestly, like tell dick jokes, tell vagina jokes. Whatever things people have told you not to say, because an audience will respect you for going there nine times out of ten and they’ll remember you for it, honestly.

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What does being a woman mean to you?

You know like having a vagina and having breasts (laughs). And like having a menstrual cycle and like the ability to have children. I don’t know, I think deep down it’s a like blessing but also a curse. Like we have something to prove as a race but at the same time we have so many gifts that we can exploit and put out into the world. Like we’re all beautiful and talented.

What do you think are some of women’s strongest gifts?

Our fierceness. Like if you are faced with hardship, I think it’s natural to want to run away. But as women, we are all so strong.

Is there anything else you want to add?

Yes, and!

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L’BAE Hair, Makeup and Apparel

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Pamela Carter-Pitts is a woman of many talents. I met her several weeks ago at the Contemporary Dance Theatre’s fall Performance and Time Arts show. She directed a fashion show that was a part of the act (which you can read about on Not Your Mom’s PTA) and we struck up a conversation before the show began. This woman does a lot! Her business L’BAE, standing for Living Blessed and Empowered, provides hair and makeup services, has it’s own cosmetics line and it’s own apparel line. When she’s not working for herself through L’BAE, she can be found working as a sign language interpreter, playing wife to her husband or mom to her five children. Oh, and she also hosts a weekly radio show called Living Life the L’BAE Way on 1050 WGRI. I actually had the privilege of going on her show last Wednesday to talk about A World of Dresses.

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Pamela and I at the radio station!

Pamela started her career as a cosmetologist in 1995. She started off working in various higher end salons, which was great to learn the business. However hair has always been a gift of her’s, so she was always able to build up a solid client base. She started getting deaf clients and thus decided to go back to school to become a sign language interpreter. She completed a bachelor’s program at Wright State and became nationally certified in 2010. Since then, she’s had many unique opportunities through interpreting. She’s had the privilege of working as an interpreter for Michelle and Barack Obama. She’s also worked with many government officials and gospel artists. Music, she said is her favorite. Thus, she ends up interpreting at all sorts of concerts.

“I love music and I love the stage,” she said.

In 2007, her daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Synovial Sarcoma that eats your organs. It swallowed her entire left kidney, so today she’s living with only her right one. However she’s cancer free and does not need dialysis. During this time, Pamela really sought out her Christian faith. That was where the idea of L’BAE, Living Blessed and Empowered, comes from. She said that during this time, she kept this sort of mantra with her. No matter what, she would get out of bed with the belief that she was blessed and empowered through her faith.

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“I’m living blessed and empowered because despite the hardships that I’ve gone through and you don’t even know my story,” she said. “That is why I’m living blessed and empowered. My God gives me the joy to keep going despite what may be going on in my life.”

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Pamela looks at all of what she does as an art form. From a young age graduating high school from the School for Creative and Performing Arts, she has always loved performance. So makeup, hair and clothing design all go hand-in-hand with her creative side. In fact, her slogan with L’BAE is “Where the concept of art and beauty create a new you!”

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For Pamela, L’BAE is more than just her business. It’s a lifestyle brand. She’s all about promoting positive self-esteem and feels like her business is her tool in empowering everyone she meets through it.

So in 2011, she began brainstorming and putting her business plan together. She started figuring out how she wanted the makeup to look, what she wanted the t-shirt designs to look like and all the other fun things that go along with creating your own business. Now she has her own space on the West side of Cincinnati where she sees clients by appointment. She can also be found going out to various events such as the one I met her at. In the summers, she travels around with L’BAE. Her cosmetics line was even endorsed by Reggie Wells, Oprah Winfrey’s former makeup artist.

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Through L’BAE, she landed her radio show. Life is full of so many chance encounters that lead to amazing things. This was one of them. She was at a gospel concert and ran into one of the producers at 1050 WGRI. He had heard about L’BAE and was asking her all about it. The concept was one he found intriguing. Through several interactions, she read to him some of her poems and writings she had that inspired L’BAE. She didn’t think much of it, though. Then a few weeks later, he asked her to come read them on the station. This is how L’BAE Moments came about, a short two-minute radio segment with Pamela saying different inspirational things. From this, the radio show was born just about two months ago. It has blown up, she said.

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Overall, Pamela seems to have a sense of joy and gratitude. She feels blessed with all of her successes.

“I love being my own boss and entrepreneur to where I dictate what happens in my own profession,” she said. “I love that. It feels really good.”

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Jenni’s salsa dresses + more

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In high school as a basketball player, Jenni never thought in a million years she’d end up salsa dancing. She probably never even thought she’d find herself in a salsa club, let alone salsa dancing as part of a competitive team. Yet as an adult, she stumbled upon the hobby which led her to where she is today: a competitive salsa dancer with Salsannati, a competitive salsa group based in Cincinnati.

She sort of stumbled upon salsa dancing randomly and started doing it as a hobby. When she was out at the salsa clubs, she got to know some of the Salsannati coaches as they were also doing what they loved. A few years in, she expressed her interest in taking salsa dancing to the next level and was welcomed with open arms.

“From being an athlete growing up, I’ve always had a competitive side in me and even though I played basketball forever, I still loved being girly and feeling feminine,” Jenni said.

Salsa dancing was a great way to combine both things. Her love for dresses, however, started back in college. She also played college basketball, and would find herself feeling sweaty and gross afterwards. It would have been easy to just live in that space, but Jenni knew she didn’t want that. She still wanted to be able to carry herself in a feminine way, so she turned to dresses, heels and makeup. Today, she has between 50-70 dresses in her closet and lots of high heels to match.

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“I feel on top of the world,” she says about wearing a dress. “I feel good about myself.”

The dresses Jenni chose for the shoot were a fun variety. A few were current or former salsa costumes. Others were fun pieces for nights out on the town. The common thread is that they are all tied to good memories. Every single one of these dresses is something Jenni feels good in the minute she puts it on.

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We met up at her Hyde Park studio apartment on a cold and rainy Sunday morning. The top floor space, however, provided for a nice and cozy backdrop for all the photos we took. When I arrived, we instantly seemed to hit it off chatting about all sorts of things. She had her dresses all picked out on a rack by the mirror. Each one was unique in it’s own way.

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First, she showed me her newest one. This dress is technically being debuted on A World of Dresses as she has not had the opportunity to wear it yet. The solid dark green and simple style makes it a perfect dress for when she’s feeling something a little more classic. However she also noted that she could dress it up with a pair of leopard print heels for a crazy night out with the girls.

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These next few are our party dresses. As a salsa performer, Jenni spends much of her off time out at salsa clubs dancing and hanging out. This requires a fun wardrobe and she definitely has that!

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She said her friends always poke fun at how over-dressed she often is. Whether it’s just a casual dinner or a late-night evening at the club, she takes every opportunity she can to go all out. She loves it.

“I always walk in like five stars, but it’s just how I am,” she said. “I feel most comfortable expressing myself through the dresses.”

Next we have the salsa round. I was especially excited for this. Her blue salsa dress was actually specially-made to fit her body measurements. It also came from overseas.

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This white dress is what she considers to be a milestone dress. She wore it the first time she ever performed on stage with Salsannati.

“I remember the first time I put that on, I felt like I arrived,” she said. “I felt official. I felt confident and sexy, and just like I was ready to go out there and show all the hard work I had put in.”

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This white one was worn at a Salsannati fundraiser. The team will actually host a fundraiser this Friday in Northside. Proceeds will benefit their trip down to Miami, Florida to compete in the Latin World Cup. She and the seven other members of the team plus a few supporting members will travel there December 15th. She’s excited for sure.

“When I salsa dance, I feel free,” she said. “I feel like I can just be myself and just interact with who I’m dancing with. I can just let loose and have a good time.”

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