I love keeping up with the women I feature on my blog. Each and every one of them has their own unique and complex life. Each has her own interests. For Jai (My Closet: the dresses of Jai), storytelling seems to be her jam these days. On Sunday, she acted as Mcee (although no mic was needed at a storytelling event on a Sunday afternoon taking place in a bakery) as several people told stories on the theme of abundance. I just wish I had gotten there sooner. I’ll admit, I was running a tad late coming from a morning photoshoot for the blog that day.
When I walked in, I found the group seated around the side room in Findlay Market’s Cake Rack Bakery. Sarah Mancino was telling her story about farming and working as a Findlay Market vendor. She told of the abundance in her harvest as well as her interactions with regular customers week after week. Clad in work boots and jeans, you could just picture her working in the dirt to grow the food into what is sold at the market.
Next George Hibben from Rookwood Pottery took the stage, so to speak. He spoke of the pottery studio, which is now located in Over-the-Rhine, in close proximity to Findlay Market. He spoke of the history of Cincinnati and past pottery groups located in the neighborhood. It was fascinating to imagine Cincinnati in the late 1800’s. The economy of the city in regards to pottery and how the studio in turn positively affects the economy of Findlay was also discussed.
Both speaks I had the privilege of seeing were so open to sharing with the group. Both gladly welcomed questions. Overall, the event was attended by about 15-20 people. It was a nice and intimate gathering. The room felt full of good energy.
Jai, as always, greeted me with a warm hug. Jai’s warm enthusiasm mixed with her passion for authenticity are what make her the wonderful person she is.
These storytelling events happen the last Sunday of every month.
A weekly column written by Catherine Daniels about her life with lupus.
If that’s the case, it’s time to get creative.
“Redefine what sex looks like for you as a couple,” Rose says. “Some women tell me they take two Tylenol half an hour before sex, or they have intercourse in the tub or on their sides. When they’re having a flare and can’t stand penetration, they can do more foreplay or oral sex.” – Web Md.
There is no easy way to say it, but lupus tried to kill my marriage. At least it tried to. But being stronger than your condition means you have to think outside the box. Love, sex and lupus can coexist when you’re patient with your body. I have found that creating a relaxing environment works on the mind, body and spirit. In my 24 years with my husband, I have to say that the last 10 have the most creative. Sometimes a relaxing bath can prepare the body and music can sooth the soul.
However studies have found that women who experience more intimacy are overall happier. I found this one interesting:
This study examined whether self-rated physical and emotional intimacy of 74 women with their heterosexual partner, during an illness episode of lupus, was related to their affect and relationship satisfaction. It was predicted that greater intimacy would be related to better psychosocial adjustment. Women who engaged in physically intimate behavior with their partner more often reported greater relationship satisfaction. Women who frequently avoided or who were often the initiators of physical intimacy, however, reported greater negative affect. Concerning emotional intimacy, women who disclosed more information about illness symptoms and women who concealed more information about their symptoms and feelings experienced the highest levels of negative affect. Results identify dilemmas that women with recurrent illness may face when trying to maintain intimacy during illness periods. 1Department of Psychology, Kent State University, Ohio 44242, USA. jdruley@kentvm.kent.edu
There’s always something with lupus. I don’t know if everyone feels like this, but I am usually waiting for the next shoe to drop. I never thought my love life would suffer, but it did. Lupus is such a selfish condition. When your honey bunny has laid (no pun intended) out the red carpet, and romance is in the air, mean old lupus comes in and crashes the party. Your body aches and it’s hard to be in the mood for love. So what does that mean for your relationship? You have to be creative. Romance and intimacy go hand in hand, even though they are two different things.
“Every human is a sexual being.”
With these words, Iris Zink, B.S.N., M.S.N., a nurse practitioner at the Beals Institute in Lansing, Michigan, and President-elect of the Rheumatology Nurses Society, begins the lecture she gives to health care professionals across the country. The Beals Institute treats people with autoimmune diseases and osteoporosis. In her role there, “I’m known as ‘the sex lady,” she says with a laugh.
Sometimes the sexiest thing can simply be to smile through your pain!
Next week, I plan to write about medication overload!
Catherine is a wife and mother living in Cincinnati. In 2004, she was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune diseases where your white blood cells attack your red blood cells. Your body basically looses it’s line of defense. Lupus is often known as the invisible disease because it manifests itself in ways that aren’t outright and visible. Some days it’s extreme fatigue and other’s it’s extreme pain. Through this weekly column, Catherine hopes to help the world better understand what it means to live life with lupus.
My best friend, some nametags and a Snapchat filter at my high school reunion
Saturday morning, I woke up feeling a bit odd. The night before had been my high school reunion. Leading up to the event, I had imagined what it would be like, everything ranging from the best to worst. After all was said and done, the evening was probably maybe a 60-70%. The food was great, the beer tasty and the location amazing. The organizers really out-did themselves in that regard. However the so-so feeling is more in regards to the social nature of a reunion and how you see that played out 10 years later. In some ways, it’s different and some it’s totally the same.
In high school, I was not the person I am today. I bet we all feel that way when we look back 10 years or more. I know I’m not alone. In high school, I was quiet and kept to a small group of say four or five girls. I dated no one. I got passable grades and was involved in a few extracurricular activities. For me, high school was just about passing the time in a way that would allow me to go to a decent college. Looking back, I have no regrets. Some of those friendships are still close friendships today. I had great teachers and learned a lot. And I went to a great college.
Today, though, I am not that girl. I scored 89% extrovert on the Myers-Briggs test years ago. Furthermore, the reaction I often get when I tell most people that I’m an extrovert is “I know,” because I could probably start a conversation with a brick wall. I’m incredibly social and have no issues approaching strangers. In fact, my extroversion is what drives this blog, a project based primarily on interviewing women each week. Heck, I also voluntarily perform improv comedy and actually enjoy it. I can spend an entire day going from one social activity to the next feeling completely energized because that is simply how an extrovert is wired. We get our energy from social interaction. In high school, I was not comfortable in my skin. Now, I am. This also is a very common story of moving from high school to adulthood. Again, I know I’m not alone.
So I went to the reunion thinking that perhaps those silly cliques we clung to in high school just would not matter. That me in my raging extroversion would sift through the crowd and truly mingle with everyone. That we would have conversations going beyond “What’s up?” and “How are you?” While I did chat with many people outside of my direct clique, that entirely did not happen. There are a good number of people who I didn’t even speak a word to. As I reflect back, though, I’m the one to blame just as much as anyone else. After all, I spent much of the evening next to the people I came with.
For me, high school was the only time where that clique dynamic existed. Everywhere else in my life, I talk to everyone. Many of the people I didn’t speak with at the reunion I felt like if we met as adults working the same job or through mutual friends, we would have a much different dynamic to our interactions. While we may not always be best friends, we’d certainly be way friendlier. In the adult world, while you may not be best friends with everyone, you’re nice and friendly with everyone. I know at least I am.
In the moment at the reunion, it was intimidating to walk up to an entire group of people you barely knew in high school and go “what’s up?” That sort of behavior was so taboo in high school. At least for me it was. I never did that. Furthermore, you wondered if they even wanted you to do that, much like you did in high school. You ended up having all these same fears as you did in high school. It was weird. But you had alcohol and your friends you came with, which was safe. So you hung there.
As I reflected back on the evening, maybe we were all just in that safety bubble that is hard to break considering that it was a part of our daily lives for four years. I found myself operating off of impressions formed about people over 10-14 years ago. All of those impressions are false in one way or another. We are all different people. We’ve all grown up and changed. Some of us have been through tough things that have shaped our characters. Reflecting back on that evening, I should have told myself that more.
So if you’re a person I didn’t talk with at the reunion, I apologize. I truly wish I had spoken with you. I’m sure I missed out on learning all the fascinating things you’ve been up to for the past 10 years. Like me, I’m sure you’ve grown and changed, in some painful ways and in some not. So I’m sorry we didn’t have a real chat. If we run into each other over these next years, maybe we can have that chat.
I met Che about a year ago through her husband Daniel who tutored me in Spanish. The two of them have the most fascinating story. Che grew up in China and decided to get her undergraduate degree in Malaga, Spain. While Daniel got his undergraduate degree in Cincinnati, he studied in Spain for about nine months. Some how the two connected on Facebook and began chatting. Now Che has made her second big move to the United States to marry Daniel. She currently works at a logistics company and is getting settled into her new life in the US. I knew her experience with so many different cultures would make for a very interesting interview.
Jing Che Braun
Age: 26
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio. Grew up in Chongqing, China.
What made you decide to attend college in Spain?
I just felt like I wanted a different life. I don’t know. So after I graduated high school, I said I want to study abroad and I just picked Spain because I wanted to see the world.
What was that like when you first arrived in Spain?
I was so excited because it was a different world for me and I never traveled out of China. So the destination was the South of Spain. I learned a little bit of Spanish before I went to Spain. I prepared a little bit, but it was still so difficult because the first city I got to in Spain was in the South of Spain. Everybody speaks so much faster than the people in the North and they have a strong accent. I just could not understand. I don’t know. But I was still very happy. I didn’t care. I just felt like I’m going to start my new life here. I was excited and happy, and not scared at all. I was just excited.
So were you looking at other countries or was it just Spain?
After I graduated high school, I needed to pick a college in China and I just didn’t feel like I wanted to go to college in China. So one day I was just reading a newspaper, and there was something about Spain and contacting them to get more information. So I took it to my mom and said “How about Spain?” And she said “What?” So we went together to that place and they gave us more information about how this worked. I didn’t really care where I went. I just wanted to go out of China. Japan, USA, Korea, France … but I just saw Spain just accidentally.
So you got there and everyone was speaking fast. What was the hardest part of moving to a new country?
I think the hardest part in the beginning of course is the language. You cannot understand them really well but you really want to talk with them and get involved in that culture. But little by little. The most difficult thing I think is missing your family. Because I’m the only child for my parents, I just missed them, I missed my girlfriends and everything. But when I first got to Spain, I was so excited and I didn’t miss them much. But year after year of living there, because I lived there for five years, I just missed them … Also in Chinese culture, family is so important. Every year I have two months to spend with them. The summer vacation. The winter vacation is very short, so I didn’t go back to China.
So what did you learn from moving to Spain? What did it teach you?
I really think that that five years was the most important. It was very important for me because I’m just a normal Chinese girl looking for a good college and good job. Going to Spain totally changed my life. If I had never been to Spain I would have never met Daniel, I would never speak Spanish and I would never meet so many people from different cultures. It was just so cool. It made me feel special and unique.
That’s cool! What did you learn from the people you met from other cultures?
I think most of them were very friendly. It was really cool to get to know their culture … It is so easy to get in contact with people from other cultures because the city where I was living, Malaga, it’s a really popular place for people to have vacation because the weather is so good. The people … European countries are just so close. My classmates were Spanish or from other European cultures. Everybody was really friendly and normal. Before I was really shy so I just thought the people from other cultures might seem totally different but they are the same. They just look different. Bigger nose, bigger eyes, taller … but they are the same. I don’t know.
How did you meet Daniel?
On Facebook. So I think it was my third year of college and I was cooking in the kitchen. One of my friends was playing with my computer. I had my Facebook up because I would post things sometimes. Daniel and I had added each other a couple of months ago, but I never paid attention to that. Daniel always told me I sent the request. I’m not agreeing but I don’t know. So that day Daniel sent me the first message while I was cooking in the kitchen. My friend, her name is Gloria. She’s a Chinese girl and was playing with my computer. She says “Che you have a message.” I say “What’s the name?” And she said “Daniel.” I was trying to think of all my Facebook friends … Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. I said “I don’t know who it is.” It didn’t matter because I was cooking. She just came over for dinner and a girl chat, so I said I don’t know who it is, so nothing happens.
The next day I checked out all of Daniel’s pictures and think “Oh, this guy is cute!” So I started to get back to him. I don’t remember what I said like “oh hi, how are you? Last night I was cooking.” And so we started to talk every day. We had six hours difference between the US and Spain, so every day I remember I would talk with Daniel around 8 p.m. or 9 p.m. That’s maybe Daniel’s 3, 4 p.m. So every night I would just go to my room to talk with Daniel. I was so excited. We were in love, I don’t know.
So after three or four months was my summer vacation. I told you I had two months. So I lied to my parents and said I could only go back home for one month. I said I had an activity at the college. I needed to go back to Spain. My family is super open and they said “Okay, fine!” So actually I prepared all the documents before I went back to China because I needed a visa. Chinese people, we need a visa. So I got a visa and I flew back to Spain and then to the US. It was my first time coming to the US.
So you came to the US to meet Daniel?
Yes. That day I got here, I had no idea. I had never met Daniel before in real life. Daniel wore a T-shirt sweating with sandals and gave me big hug. I would have passed him because I was not wearing my glasses. Daniel’s roommate had brought bed bugs into their apartment and he was trying to fix that because he knew I was coming. He wanted to prepare the apartment. He still lived in an apartment close to UC. I didn’t care, though. He still looked cute. First I was so nervous. We were talking with each other for a long time. So I met Daniel that day and in that situation.
So were you guys officially a couple then?
After one week Daniel asked me in his room. I remember it very well. He asked me “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Because Daniel’s American, I never had contact with American people that much. So before I came, I did some research on American relationships. So I read that in America, it’s really normal to date with someone. You can date with this girl today and this girl tomorrow. It does not matter because you just date. But if you have a relationship, that’s different. If you have a relationship, you cannot date this other girl. So in the beginning we just dated. After that, Daniel asked me to his girlfriend, I thought I was official. So we became boyfriend and girlfriend after one week, I guess.
But you guys were chatting for a while?
Yeah e-mails. I saved all my e-mails and I think it was like 100 pages in e-mails.
Oh my gosh! And you guys were both communicating in Spanish.
Yes in that moment, all Spanish.
How did that feel? It was your third year, so I guess you could speak Spanish pretty well.
Yeah I was doing very well in Spanish. Daniel in the beginning was a little surprised because I was an exchange student and he was studying in Spain for nine months in the North of Spain. He had maybe a couple Chinese classmates and he always felt that Chinese people were very shy. They don’t speak Spanish in public or speak very well. But he was so surprised that I spoke better than him. He thought I was special … maybe that’s why he was crushing on me.
(laughing) Who knows.
I don’t feel anything because for me talking in Spanish is very normal. I was with Spanish people every day. I went to school, talked with my roommate, with my landlord … everybody. Daniel I think felt a little different because he only spoke Spanish with me in that moment.
Che being a cat mom
When did you know you wanted to marry him?
I think it was very natural for me that we were going to get married because we were so in love. Every time, I’m telling you every time when I left, because I would always come to the US for breaks and holidays, every time I cried and Daniel cried. So I think we were so in love.
Was there a moment though?
I think in the very beginning when I first came to the US and we went to Charleston, that was my best memory.
Charleston, South Carolina?
Yes. Oh, so good! Because Daniel reserved a big room for just us and he opened these big doors and from the balcony you could see the ocean. It was the summer, there was music and downstairs was a swimming pool. I just felt like “oh my gosh! I think I could marry this guy!”
What has it been like moving to the United States?
It’s so different. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I always say I’ve traveled to a lot of different countries a lot. And every country is different … culture, food, weather. They never gave me the same feeling like America gives me. I just feel like the USA is really hard to handle. I don’t know. At times I really miss my family or I feel down. I just miss my family. I met Daniel really late in my time in Spain. But in the beginning I had to do everything by myself, so I didn’t feel like I needed help from someone else. I had to do that because no one was helping me because I was there by myself. But when I moved here I knew my fiance was here. I was not trying to do everything by myself because I knew he was going to help me and that his family was going to help me. So I kind of rely on them. It’s a different feeling. And this country is so different. Like I don’t know … everything. I spoke with someone else and they said “No, America is just like a European country! The people are just different.” I said “No, America is different. It makes me feel different.” I’m trying, really. I’m trying my best to get involved with this country and this culture and make myself feel happy.
Yeah, what has been the hardest part about moving to the US?
I just don’t feel … It’s just hard, the culture. Everything. Everywhere you need to drive. I don’t feel very free or flexible. Everything is great. You can go to the grocery and get everything. But I feel like nobody is walking outside. Just maybe in the morning some are running. It’s just not …
Do you find that the people are friendly?
Yeah! The people are extremely friendly! I don’t feel like people are racist to the foreign people because everybody tells me that this is an immigration country. Everybody’s from a different country before. So everyone treats me very nice. I like that so much. You guys do better than European people, at this point. I think it’s really hard to say which part makes me feel different. It’s just different. I’m still discovering the best way to handle this country.
Well and I think you’re right. In Spain, you would go outside and there are people laughing and dancing. You don’t always have that in the United States.
Yeah! I would go to the center of Malaga, the city I lived in, and it was very easy. I knew all the bus lines. For example, right now I know how to drive to Kenwood but I never feel good about driving to Kenwood by myself. I don’t know why. I know which high way I needto take and I know which exit I need to take, but every time I feel a little scared. I always want Daniel to stay with me. I don’t like that. I hate that. I still need time to be like how I lived in Spain where I could do everything by myself, no problem.
And you’ll probably get there.
I will, I just need more time.
What do you miss most about China?
My family, my girlfriends and the food. The food actually is fine because I can make something similar, but my family and my girlfriends are really the biggest part that I miss about my city. I can go shopping with them, I can do yoga with them, talking and gossip … I miss that.
What surprised you the most about the United States?
I don’t know. For Chinese people, the United States is a very cool culture. We watch a lot because you guys do such a great job with movies and TV series. I just thought like “oh, the people are so cool!” Coming here it really is true! Like you guys have drive-throughs. I know it’s so normal and a tiny thing, but for me at the beginning I said “oh, this is so American!” Or you guys watch football and are so passionate about it. Something so similar to what I would watch on TV. It surprised me.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
I can say that I’ll probably be a mom, and a more independent and confident woman.
What was it like growing up in China?
I had a very beautiful childhood because my dad and my mom gave me the greatest freedom. It was very normal. I went to school. In China it’s so modern now and it’s growing so fast, but I just had a very happy life.
Was it just you and your parents?
Yes, because I’m an only child.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions that people have about China here in the US, or Spain too?
Every time people tell me things they think about China, I feel like they are so stupid. They must not watch the news. Because if you go to China, it’s just like the USA, I’m telling you. It’s totally true. And China is not like the North of Korea. Not at all. There are big cities, people are so open. The city and country looks great. Of course we have many farmers, but I lived in the city. The people who live in the city are just like here, I think. It’s really modern.
So people think it’s different when it’s really just like the United States?
Oh people think it’s still just like 15 years ago how the people would never have power to show their opinions. I feel so free and so happy the 20 years I was living in China.
We have added another to our Dressember team, making it four now. A few days ago Johanna accepted my invitation to join us and I could not be more thrilled. The two of us have been friends for 10 years now. We met through mutual friends our freshman year at Western Kentucky University and have been close through moves, breakups, children and everything else associated with growing up. So here’s to Johanna! Also, here are 10 reasons why she rocks.
She has always been a fierce advocate for women.
She’s a wonderful mother of three.
She lets her kids be who they are, which sometimes means letting them be Michael Jackson.
We have a shared love of the movie Anchorman.
She has a strong love/interest in history.
She has an awesome fascination with mummies, horror movies, etc.
She’s an amazing dancer. She used to be on WKU’s dance team.
She’s been through some things and chooses to use her experiences to help others.
She’s very easy to talk to.
She’s one of my favorite people to laugh with.
Thanks Johanna. I’m so excited to be connected with you all of December through Dressember!
For those of you who do not know, Dressember is a campaign during the entire month of December to raise money and awareness for organizations working to end human trafficking. Each woman who participates commits to wearing a dress the entire month of December, whether that’s the same dress, repeated dresses or a different one each day. It’s a campaign that’s more than just a dress. This will be my second year participating. Last year I raised over $500 alone, so who knows what we can do with four or more women! If you would like to learn more, you can also e-mail me at aworldofdresses@gmail.com.
It all started with her own wedding several years ago. Megan Knapke was marrying her college sweetheart and was doing all sorts of DIY stuff for decorations and other things. She stumbled upon customized dress hangers, but didn’t have the time to make one for herself. However she liked the idea and kept it with her.
As time went on, other friends of hers got married and she started making hangers as wedding shower gifts. Everyone loved them. The idea is simple and yet so very personal. She simply took a wooden hanger, some wire, a flower and heavy-duty glue, and created something very special. The wire gets fashioned into the bride’s new name such as “Mrs. Jones” and the date of the wedding. This simple touch looks great in photos and gives the bride something special to hang her dress up with post-wedding as well.
This popularity led her to where she is today. She now has her own Etsy store called Hang it Up Hangers and makes about 15-20 customized hangers a month for people all across the country. In addition to making hangers for brides, she also makes smaller hangers for children. While a majority of business is for brides, she will make a hanger for any occasion. For example, she has made a hangers for a graduation, someone’s mom and cheerleading.
For Megan, the best thing is the freedom that comes with running her own business.
“It gives me the ability to do what I want when I want,” she said.
In some ways, Megan admits to being traditional when it comes to a family. She would love to be able to stay home with her future children but would still love to work while doing it. This work-from-home business gives her that freedom and flexibility. She also likes to joke with her husband who majored in entrepreneurship about how she’s the first to start her own business.
Through talking with Megan, it was evident how empowering owning a business is to her. She’s able to have ownership over something in a positive way, which she loves. Over the years, she admits she’s struggled to feel like she’s really good at something. I know this feeling well, and I feel like so many other women do. We are often our own worst critics. These hangers, however, take a great deal of detail work and practice. Not everyone is as crafty or talented as Megan. This business has really helped her to see her own talents and skills as they are.
Looking forward, Megan will be a part of a bridal show in January, something she is excited about. Also, each quarter she sends a portion of her profits to a non-profit doing great work. Last quarter, the portion went to Determined to Develop, an organization in Malawi that a friend of her’s started. She loves the ability she has to give back.
The hangers range from $16-$30 depending on size and whether you have one line of writing or two. Check out her Etsy store here.
I love making new friends. This fall, I decided to commit to a year of service through AmeriCorps. One of my favorite things about doing this is meeting other like-minded people. There are roughly 15-18 of us in Cincinnati also doing AmeirCorps with my particular program and Una is one of them. Una graduated college last Spring, so AmeriCorps has provided her with her first post-college job. With grownup life comes grownup responsibilities. For Una, she’s enjoyed her year of service so far.
“It seemed like a good way to transition,” she said. “I knew I wanted to take a year before thinking about thinking about grad school.”
She has been a supporter of A World of Dresses since it’s inception, so I thought I’d feature her this week. We met up at Aquarius Star on Ludlow Ave. in Clifton for some tea, laughter and dresses. It was an amazing way to spend a rainy Saturday.
Through AmeriCorps, Una spends her days as a pre-school classroom aide at Corryville Catholic Elementary. She felt that this dress was fitting for the position considering it has dinosaurs on it. This was a Modcloth find as well. I now want a dinosaur dress.
“I really like working with kids,” said Una about her position. “It’s cool to build their first impressions of school and get them excited about reading.”
Next we have the polka-dot dress, something she found at a second-hand store. The black and white polka dots and flats pairs quite nicely with her grey tights. She originally got this dress for her college graduation. It’s very much associated with that big day, she said.
Every woman needs a little black dress. This is Una’s. This also was a Modcloth find. She joked that she wears this dress when she wants to feel like a grownup. Adulthood is something she admits she’s still attempting to figure out.
“I’m still learning how to dress like a grownup woman would and that’s been interesting to navigate,” she said.
From what I’ve seen, she seems to be rocking it.
So for the last dress, we broke our own rules. In fact, it’s not even a dress. It’s a skirt. However it’s not just any skirt. According to Una, it’s one of her most-worn skirts. Like the polka-dot dress, she also found it at a second-hand store back in high school.
Una, thank you for having tea with me and allowing me to photograph you!
Hi again! Season’s greetings to all. It seems at this time of the year a lot of the attention goes to being grateful for good health, cherishing family and friends, and remembering good times. It can also be incredibly stressful. From shopping to cooking, the kids and visiting relatives, the holidays come with an assortment of unintentional stressors. So what do you do with all of that? There are those who, like myself, fall into a stress attack and breakdown.
Lupus is so not funny, but sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. Tis the season to be emotional. That’s what I and many others have to deal with. Just like with anything, sometimes you have to find an outlet the free your emotions and that’s where laughter comes into play. Watching a funny movie and laughing to the point of tears is very liberating. Just to see something out of the window has the capacity to bring about happy feelings that lead to a moment of laughter. It’s like taking a deep breath and letting it out. Instantly you feel a little better.
I don’t consider myself to be a funny person or a comedian, but I have found that sharing stories of my family brings side splitting laughter. Wherever you can find it, laugh, tell a funny story, and laugh at a leaf. Whatever you need, just laugh it out. It works for me and I’m sure it will work for you. I am sharing some jokes I find funny and maybe you will laugh with me. Enjoy!!!!
Taking the seriousness out of lupus makes sense. If you can laugh at it, you can live through it.
A “good hair day” is when you realize you have some left.
You make a grocery list so you won’t forget anything, and then forget where you put the list. (On a REALLY bad day, you also forget where the grocery store is!)
You bathe the lawn, fertilize the dog, and brush the kids.
You use the smoke detector to tell you when dinner is done.
You can’t effectively argue with your husband anymore. ~ “I am mad as all heck at you! I just wish I could remember why! DAMMIT!”
You invent your own “Lupus Language” when typing.
Your medications take up the entire medicine cabinet.
Your wardrobe contains mostly sweat pants, stretch pants, T-shirts and a robe that never gets washed because that’s all you wear most days.
You’re on a first name basis with your doctor and the ER staff.
You can’t remember if the post-it note telling you to remember to take your pills is from yesterday, and you haven’t taken them today, or it’s one that you just wrote to remind you tomorrow?
Your husband asks you to go and stir the beans in the kitchen, and finds you brushing your teeth in the bathroom instead.
You bend over to tie your shoes and wonder, “What else can I accomplish while I’m down here?”
You find yourself at home, wishing that you were at work, wishing you were at home!
You call the same person three times in one day to tell them exactly what you told them the first time. –
These are just some ways in which I find laughter in my daily struggle. You can find more at: But You Don’t Look Sick
Laughing has been so beneficial for me. Laughter has such a medicinal purpose. I’m going to leave you with just a few of the benefits here.
Laughing …
Lowers blood pressure
Reduces stress hormone levels
Fun ab workout
Improves cardiac health
Boosts T cells
Triggers the release of endorphins
Produces a general sense of well-being
Physical Health Benefits
Boosts immunity
Lowers stress hormones
Decreases pain
Relaxes your muscles
Prevents heart disease
Mental Health Benefits
Adds joy and zest to life
Eases anxiety and fear
Relieves stress
Improves mood
Enhances resilience
Social Benefits:
Strengthens relationships
Attracts others to us
Enhances teamwork
Helps defuse conflict
Promotes group bonding
Thanks for laughing with me.
Catherine is a wife and mother living in Cincinnati. In 2004, she was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune diseases where your white blood cells attack your red blood cells. Your body basically looses it’s line of defense. Lupus is often known as the invisible disease because it manifests itself in ways that aren’t outright and visible. Some days it’s extreme fatigue and other’s it’s extreme pain. Through this weekly column, Catherine hopes to help the world better understand what it means to live life with lupus.
Well it looks like we now have another one on the team! Meet Jana. Some of you may have already met her when I featured her on the blog several weeks ago (Jana and Women’s Rights in Nicaragua). She currently lives in Matagalpa, Nicaragua where she serves as a Peace Corps volunteer. She is someone fiercely concerned about women’s rights and changing the world. I feel privileged to call her a friend.
The other day she sent me a Facebook message telling me she wants to join my Dressember team! I’m so very excited. This simply means that she is going to join me in wearing a dress each day for the entire month of December to help raise awareness about the issue of human trafficking. I cannot be more excited that she is joining myself and my best friend Kayleigh on our A World of Dresses Dressember team. So to say thanks, here are 8 reasons why Jana is awesome.
The Peace Corps. This girl committed two and a half years of her life to live with a lot less than she has been accustomed to while living in a culture completely new to her. I commend anyone who does that. She will be forever changed for the better from her experience.
Her sense of justice. Jana has a passion in her about what is right and she advocates fiercely for it.
How she stands up to the catcalls of men in Nicaragua. She talks about this more in-depth in Jana and Women’s Rights in Nicaragua, but she does not take any of their sh–. As she has become fluent in Spanish, she actually approaches them and tells them exactly how she feels about how they objectify women.
Her concern for public health. She is so very passionate about it.
Her curly hair. At times, I wish I had curly hair.
The fact that that one time we joked that the real hardship to being in Nicaragua was that there are like only three beer choices. She’s from Portland, Oregon, the capitol of microbreweries, so it’s been rough.
She teaches yoga.
During the month I spent in Nicaragua, it was just nice to have a pal.
Thanks Jana. If anyone else has interest in joining our Dressember team, make sure you visit www.dressember.org/participatex/ and select A World of Dresses as your team!
I spend my days working with immigrants at Su Casa Hispanic Center. Several weeks ago, I attended an event about immigration and Laura was one of four college students who told their stories. She moved to the United States when she was four from Colombia. Her family was escaping violence. She is undocumented but is able to attend college because of DACA (Deferred Action for Child Arrivals), a law that was put into place to allow undocumented immigrants who came over before the age of 16 the opportunity to go to school or work. We hear a lot about immigration and will start to hear more as the election rolls around. So often, if we just get to know people with different experiences than ours, our opinions change for the better. At the end of the day, I’m no better than Laura. It was sheer luck and chance that I was born a United States citizen and thus will never have to experience things she has. I’m so grateful that she was willing to tell her story on here. I hope it makes you think.
Name: Laura Age: 19 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio; born in Bogota, Colombia
Do you have any memories of the first several years of your life in Colombia?
Most of my memories are of right before I left. We lived in my grandma’s house. I remember that very well. It was very crowded. A big thing in my family we called porunchos. We pretty much would all just like cuddle in my grandma’s bed, even though it would be like 10 different people … I don’t remember too much, though. I just remember we weren’t well off, we weren’t dirt poor. We were just kind of there, I feel like. My parents owned a car body shop. I loved being there. I remember me and my sister would always be there. I guess they would build things and they would have wood shavings in there. And so we’d build things with it. They have pictures of me doing that. But I remember that a lot, playing in there. It wasn’t in the best neighborhood. I think that was one of the reasons my parents would get so many threatening calls and things like that. I don’t remember too much.
So your parents would get threatening calls?
According to what my sister and my parents had told me, it wasn’t that unusual. I think what was unusual from that one call that made us come here was how much they knew about us, which was my sister’s information. So when she came to school, when she came home, her bus number, our address … just very, very personal information. My parents took it very seriously.
So what exactly was that call about? They said they knew all this stuff about you, but what were they threatening to do?
Money. I don’t know too much about exactly what went on. I just know that it was most-likely money. Colombia wasn’t the safest place at the time. My parents … it was either my dad or my sister who told me, but my dad has been held at gunpoint before. Things have been stolen from us. It wasn’t that safe. When we left, it wasn’t that uncommon, people leaving. Later on I started looking up things. I found out that Colombia has one of the highest rates of displacement, which means like people have left their homes and either gone abroad or somewhere else in Colombia. Colombia has one of the highest rates of displacement, so my family was among thousands of families that fled because the violence was so bad there. Now it’s getting a lot better. It’s not as bad as it used to be. There are certain parts of Colombia that are still pretty bad and you have to look out for, but what I’ve heard and what I’ve read, it’s not as bad as when we left.
So after that call happened that was really scary, you guys decided to come to the US.
So my dad, these are my parents words, my dad told me that after two weeks or a month or so, my dad came here and then we followed after like three months. So my dad came here because my aunt lives here. So I asked my mom because I’m going to Costa Rica and the reason why I was so interested in Costa Rica is because Costa Rica has one of the most friendly immigration/refugee policies. Most of their refugees are actually Colombian. So that interests me a lot. So I asked my mom why we came to the US? Did you ever think of going to another place? And she was like “well, your aunt lived here and that just seemed like the best decision.” So I asked her what if my aunt wasn’t living here and she was like “I have no idea where we would be.” So that kind of is an interesting thing. We had someone here. Most people don’t have someone here. That ends of being why a lot of people cross the border because that’s their last resort.
So your aunt had a cleaning business here in Cincinnati and you guys came to work with her? Did you come over on tourist visas?
Yeah we came over on tourist visas. So my parents told me we were going to Disneyworld. So we went there. I don’t remember any of it, surprisingly. I remember sleeping on the bench after all of it (laughs). But we went there. We were there for a while and then we went up to Cincinnati.
What was going through your head when you first came to the United States? Do you remember any of that?
It’s all a blur. I feel like I was very indifferent to everything. I don’t know if it was because there was so much changing that it just like flew over my head or what, but I don’t remember much as to my opinion. I just remember we were coming to Cincinnati and my parents were like “this is your new home!” And I’m like “okay, I guess?”
So you had said in your story that your sister was able to buy you all a house. How does that feel now to have something permanent?
We finally have something that’s our’s here … It’s really hard to buy a house if you’re undocumented. I believe it’s like for anybody else, you can put 10% down. Typically for undocumented people, it’s like 15-20% down that you have to put. A lot of the things that we do, we have to think of them as not permanent. I mean when my sister first told me that she wanted to buy a house, I was almost against it. I was like “I don’t know what’s going to happen.” My dad refuses to get a new car because he’s like “I don’t know what’s gonna happen. What if we buy a new car and then end up getting deported or something?” Nothing’s really permanent in our lives.
What is that like? What kinds of fears does that bring?
Driving. My dad drives everywhere … Kentucky, Dayton, all throughout Ohio and Kentucky as well. So he’s constantly driving. His car looks very beat-up. It’s my aunt’s car from when we moved here. It’s a 1996 I think, model. So it’s really old and it’s gone through a lot. So that scares me. Cops typically look at old cars and kind of scope them out a bit. And it does look sketchy in certain neighborhoods. So it does worry me when my dad drives. My parents have been pulled over a couple of times. My mom got pulled over two years ago for speeding. Luckily nothing happened. My parents are friends with a bunch of lawyers, apparently, so that’s vey helpful. The court that my mom went to was not Butler County. Butler is known for being really terrible when it comes to immigrants and undocumented people. They are literally trying to scope them out. That is there mission. So my mom was fine. My dad once got pulled over for a tail light and he was fine. But we’ve been very lucky. One of the top ways that people get deported is because of driving.
People get pulled over and then have to show their papers.
Yeah but Cincinnati is oblivious. I guess we fall under the radar. I think if we lived in a place like Texas, for example, or somewhere in the South, this would be a bigger issue. We fall under the radar. But it’s still scary. They used to do raids around here. I don’t think they do it too often anymore. When we first moved here, my parents worked in factories. So my mom would have, I specifically remember this, I would cry when my mom would go to work. She would go from like 6 to 2 in the morning, and I hated that. My sister was my babysitter at like nine years old. They had to work a lot and my parents couldn’t afford a babysitter. They didn’t even know how to get a babysitter. So that was difficult. A lot of it is just the driving part. We don’t have to worry about raids because my parents own their own businesses, practically. But when they did work in the factories, I didn’t realize how scary that actually was.
So that’s pretty typical. ICE (Immigration and Customs) will come to a factory and just check everyone’s immigration status, basically?
Yeah. I’m pretty sure they’ve done that with construction. So that’s still a little bit of a worry with my dad (he works in construction). So when my parents worked, either my sister would have to take care of me or typically, we’d just go to work with them even though we weren’t supposed to. We would go to work with them and there was this huge paper on the wall about all the rules and regulations. And there was a big section that was the immigration part. It would always make me laugh after I found out about our situation.
When did you find out that you guys were undocumented?
15. So probably a little bit before then, my best friend’s family was real close with my family. Her older sister was studying to become a lawyer and so my sister opened up to her. And her older sister kind of told my best friend and then she kind of told me. But I guess some of the stuff I would say didn’t add up. I didn’t catch on to it, but her family did. So I remember one day I was walking with my friend and we started talking about things. And she was like “have you ever thought of why these things don’t add up? Have you ever asked your parents? Have you ever questioned anything?” And I was like “no. I never thought of that.”
What sorts of things wouldn’t add up?
So the fact that some of our bills were under my aunt’s name. The fact that my parents, when it came to driving, I remember specifically when our car broke down, and my parents would freak out and I didn’t understand why that was a big deal. The fact that the seatbelt … my parents freaked out about that. Not just because of my safety but because they don’t want to get pulled over for that. The fact that we hadn’t been back to Colombia in so long. That was odd because it’s expensive but not to the point that we shouldn’t have been able to go for over 15 years. The fact that we had to go to Indianapolis or Chicago to go to the embassy for things. There’s just a lot of random things that were odd. So I didn’t know what I was. I didn’t know if I had a green card. A lot of people would ask. Which you would think something like that is so personal, but people would ask “are you a citizen? Do you have a visa? Do you have a green card?” And I didn’t know these terms. My parents had never talked about it. Surprise, but I never tried to figure out what these things were. So I would just lie about what I was. I didn’t know why I was lying, but I did.
So when you found this out, how did you feel?
It was funny because my friend gave me the “maybe you should start questioning things” and then my sister was talking to my parents and they were like “we need to tell her.” My sister told me when we were on a walk. My mom didn’t want to see me cry about it. I guess she didn’t want that to happen. So my sister wanted to tell me beforehand so that when my mom told me, it wouldn’t be a big deal. And when my sister told me I was like “oh, that’s fine. It’s not a big deal.” It was almost a relief because she was like “I have this huge thing” and I was like “oh, that’s all you had to tell me? Like I already had an idea about it.”
So at the time I didn’t realize exactly what it meant to be undocumented. It wasn’t until a little bit later. When I turned 16 … oh that was another thing that didn’t add up. Every time I talked about driving, she would get so mad at me. I’m like “why are you getting mad at me? This is a normal thing!” It was just like “I don’t wanna talk about it!” I didn’t know why she would be upset and why she didn’t want to talk about it. I remember in school we talked about the citizenship thing you have to go through. They simplify it so much. Oh you take a test, you have to speak English, you have to do this. I would get mad at my parents and I’m like “in school, we learn this. It’s not that hard. Why aren’t you doing this? Why aren’t you taking this seriously?” And my mom would refuse to talk to me about any of that stuff, so that didn’t add up. After I found out and it came time to get my temps and then college came around, thats when I felt what it meant to be undocumented. Everyone was getting their temps and were asking why you weren’t getting your temps. “Oh, driving school is too expensive. I’m going to wait until I’m 18 and I can drive.” Things like that, I had to lie about a lot.
When it came to college, nobody in my family knew what to do about college. My parents thing had always been do well in school, get good grades and the rest should take care of it’s self type of thing. So luckily my best friend’s family kind of helped me with that a little bit … When it came to financial aid, I think that’s when it got really, really rough.That’s when I knew I was undocumented, when it came to college. I think it was the college part that just hit me because every time I looked at scholarships, citizen was tied to it. When I looked at how much college costs, my parents could barely afford many things. So I remember crying in my friend’s car saying I have no idea how I’m about to do this on my own. I have no idea how I’m supposed to pay for all of college. I don’t want to ask my parents for help because they can’t help. That was the biggest thing for me. I was a decent student. I wasn’t the smartest, but I did well in academics. By midway through high school, my biggest goal was to do mostly AP and accelerated classes. My parents had always said “if you do well, something has to happen. If you push yourself, something has to happen.” And so I pushed myself to do the most that I could because in my mind, I thought “if I do all this, how could something not happen for me? How could I not go to college if I push myself to do all these things?” And summer of junior year was the first time I thought “maybe that doesn’t happen. Maybe no matter how hard you push yourself, shit doesn’t happen sometimes.” And it did. I’ve been very lucky how things lined up.
So you’re able to go to college because of DACA?
So when I said I wasn’t a great student, I got a 27 on my ACT but not enough for academic scholarships. So I would look into diversity scholarships. Each time citizenship was attached to it. Lulac at a point required citizenship. I believe the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce had citizenship required at some point. So all these scholarships had citizenship attached to it. And then I got DACA and I looked into UC and found the Darwin D. Turner Scholarship. It was funny because their’s didn’t explicitly say that you needed to be a citizen. They had about six different requirements you had to have, one of which was that you had to have in-state tuition. At the time DACA or undocumented students could not get in-state tuition. UC would have cost me 23,000 because I would have been considered an international student at most schools … that was … I had no idea how I was supposed to afford that. But when my senior year rolled around, Governor Kasich announced that he was going to let all Ohio schools let DACA students get in-state tuition. UC’s Darwin T. Turner Scholarship, all it said was that you need to be able to get in-state tuition. So I kind of found my loophole … a lot of things were opening up for DACA students my senior year. That’s extremely lucky.
So a lot of things opened up my senior year. So when I tell my story, that’s one thing I want people to keep in mind. I have been lucky, or blessed or whatever you want to call it because most people don’t get that opportunity. My sister, nothing happened during that time. Most students don’t even know that these things are happening. And for most … I have a couple of friends who are undocumented and they were able to go to college. I have no idea how they did it. They had nothing in place for them.
So that worry of losing your DACA … what’s that like?
Nothing’s permanent. If I can sum up my experience, it’s that nothing’s permanent and nothing’s yours. College is a big part where you’re always planning ahead. I don’t know how many professors and advisors have asked me what I plan to do after I graduate. What internships are you looking for? And now many time I’ve been told to start looking things up now and I can’t do that because I don’t know what’s going to happen when I graduate. That’s one of the most annoying things. I remember my director … she knows my story to the bone. I’ve told her everything. One of her questions was “where do you see yourself in 5 years? Even 10?” And I said “I can’t even tell you where I see myself in two years. I can’t see myself past DACA. Once that expiration date, I can’t even tell you what happens to be honest.” So that’s always in the back of my head when it comes to planning my future because I can’t. Research opportunities, internship opportunities … most of them have citizenship tied to them. A lot of it is just planning and it’s hard when your future is so shaky.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about immigrants?
So many … so many so many so many. The fact that people think citizenship is so easy to get. Nobody knows … I don’t even know the process. It’s complicated. I haven’t even been able to go through with it myself. I’ve read about it and things, but I don’t even know to the full extent. But it’s difficult to get here, let alone have some sort of status in here. I remember … so my parents tried to apply for asylum and had a really terrible lawyer who told them they couldn’t apply for it, which we could have. But they don’t accept many refugees. If you’ve heard about the Syrian crisis … people here are so afraid of refugees, people are so afraid of immigrants, which is funny when you hear “America, the land of immigrants!”
Throughout history we’ve always been terrible to immigrants. That’s something that I’ve studied any time that I’ve had to do a research project, I’ve always done it on immigration. The first time I got exposed to it was my AP American History class. I had to a 20-page research paper on a major event and so I did the 1925 immigration act. So I got to study all the history of immigration and all the policies that went with it. We’ve been really terrible to immigrants throughout history. People have this idea that immigrants are going to take jobs and they’re terrible people. Or they’re immoral or as Trump wants to say “Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers and things that.” So a lot of it is based on fear. A lot of the assumptions. Obviously you get your bad people with anything, but that doesn’t mean were all like that. If anything, we’re mostly not like that. So the the biggest misconception is that citizenship is easy to get and it’s not. Not at all. Getting refugee status as we’re starting to learn, is not easy at all. You can’t just come in and that’s how people want to view it. Luckily my family didn’t get to experience it but a lot of families do.
Crossing the border is not fun and dandy. If you’re a woman and you’re crossing the border, you’re most likely going to get raped. You’re most likely going to get mugged, if you don’t die there. The chances of you dying are pretty high as well. They have found so many bodies in the desert. And so all these deceptions that these processes are so easy and they’re not. People don’t just come here because it’s fun. It’s because that’s their last resort. I read through Facebook comments, which is the worst thing you can do. What I’ve seen a lot of people say is “why don’t you just go back to your country and try to fix it? Aren’t you a little bit of a coward for not trying to help your country be fixed?” And it’s not that easy. It’s not easy to do that. It’s not that people don’t have pride in their country, it’s the fact that their lives are on the line. And for the most part when people are crossing the border, they’re not saying “oh, I’m going to break a law today!” That’s not on their head. What’s on their head is they’re either trying to escape poverty or they’re trying to escape violence, pretty much. I think that’s the thing that people don’t realize … how much harder it is. It’s a privilege to be born here. People are so entitled to that. “Oh, what did you to deserve to be here?” And people don’t realize what we’ve put into. Another misconception about undocumented people is that we don’t pay taxes. Yes, we pay taxes. A lot of us do. The number of people actually paying taxes has risen a lot in the past few years. We are one of the major contributors to the welfare programs because we put in a lot of taxes that we can’t take out. We can’t receive any welfare.
Anything else you want to add?
Yeah my trip to Costa Rica! So for DACA, you can apply for advanced parole. Advanced parole pretty much means … you pay like $300. Pretty much you apply for this thing and you have to show that you’re going abroad either for school, work or there’s a family crisis. You have to have obviously a bunch of proof on that. And then typically it takes two to four months to get a notice. Through advanced parole … it’s a lot of money to spend to even think about going abroad. I’ve already spent close to $1,000 and I’m not even sure if I can get into Costa Rica.
Catherine is a wife and mother living in Cincinnati. In 2004, she was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune diseases where your white blood cells attack your red blood cells. Your body basically looses it’s line of defense. Lupus is often known as the invisible disease because it manifests itself in ways that aren’t outright and visible. Some days it’s extreme fatigue and other’s it’s extreme pain. Through this weekly column, Catherine hopes to help the world better understand what it means to live life with lupus.
