Saturday morning, I woke up feeling a bit odd. The night before had been my high school reunion. Leading up to the event, I had imagined what it would be like, everything ranging from the best to worst. After all was said and done, the evening was probably maybe a 60-70%. The food was great, the beer tasty and the location amazing. The organizers really out-did themselves in that regard. However the so-so feeling is more in regards to the social nature of a reunion and how you see that played out 10 years later. In some ways, it’s different and some it’s totally the same.
In high school, I was not the person I am today. I bet we all feel that way when we look back 10 years or more. I know I’m not alone. In high school, I was quiet and kept to a small group of say four or five girls. I dated no one. I got passable grades and was involved in a few extracurricular activities. For me, high school was just about passing the time in a way that would allow me to go to a decent college. Looking back, I have no regrets. Some of those friendships are still close friendships today. I had great teachers and learned a lot. And I went to a great college.
Today, though, I am not that girl. I scored 89% extrovert on the Myers-Briggs test years ago. Furthermore, the reaction I often get when I tell most people that I’m an extrovert is “I know,” because I could probably start a conversation with a brick wall. I’m incredibly social and have no issues approaching strangers. In fact, my extroversion is what drives this blog, a project based primarily on interviewing women each week. Heck, I also voluntarily perform improv comedy and actually enjoy it. I can spend an entire day going from one social activity to the next feeling completely energized because that is simply how an extrovert is wired. We get our energy from social interaction. In high school, I was not comfortable in my skin. Now, I am. This also is a very common story of moving from high school to adulthood. Again, I know I’m not alone.
So I went to the reunion thinking that perhaps those silly cliques we clung to in high school just would not matter. That me in my raging extroversion would sift through the crowd and truly mingle with everyone. That we would have conversations going beyond “What’s up?” and “How are you?” While I did chat with many people outside of my direct clique, that entirely did not happen. There are a good number of people who I didn’t even speak a word to. As I reflect back, though, I’m the one to blame just as much as anyone else. After all, I spent much of the evening next to the people I came with.
For me, high school was the only time where that clique dynamic existed. Everywhere else in my life, I talk to everyone. Many of the people I didn’t speak with at the reunion I felt like if we met as adults working the same job or through mutual friends, we would have a much different dynamic to our interactions. While we may not always be best friends, we’d certainly be way friendlier. In the adult world, while you may not be best friends with everyone, you’re nice and friendly with everyone. I know at least I am.
In the moment at the reunion, it was intimidating to walk up to an entire group of people you barely knew in high school and go “what’s up?” That sort of behavior was so taboo in high school. At least for me it was. I never did that. Furthermore, you wondered if they even wanted you to do that, much like you did in high school. You ended up having all these same fears as you did in high school. It was weird. But you had alcohol and your friends you came with, which was safe. So you hung there.
As I reflected back on the evening, maybe we were all just in that safety bubble that is hard to break considering that it was a part of our daily lives for four years. I found myself operating off of impressions formed about people over 10-14 years ago. All of those impressions are false in one way or another. We are all different people. We’ve all grown up and changed. Some of us have been through tough things that have shaped our characters. Reflecting back on that evening, I should have told myself that more.
So if you’re a person I didn’t talk with at the reunion, I apologize. I truly wish I had spoken with you. I’m sure I missed out on learning all the fascinating things you’ve been up to for the past 10 years. Like me, I’m sure you’ve grown and changed, in some painful ways and in some not. So I’m sorry we didn’t have a real chat. If we run into each other over these next years, maybe we can have that chat.
